well, another cicle of life comes to an end. i've never been more filled with hope in my life before. i believe that life is now, and that today we have access to the matter for the creation of universes. today i'm happy, and i'm creating a beautiful future. and hope is feeling that my next "todays" will be as happy as or more happy than "this" today. for the first time in my life i have no fear. i may be sad, i may cry, things may change, i may lose friends and loved ones, i may get angry and nervous because of work and all, but in the neverending cicle of life there's this feeling of bliss and gratefulness for the gift of existence. i wish everyone could feel this way.
HAPPY 2005 !!!
"quem teve a idéia de cortar o tempo em fatias, a que se deu o nome de ano, foi um indivíduo genial. industrializou a esperança fazendo-a funcionar no limite da exaustão. doze meses dão para qualquer ser humano se cansar e entregar os pontos. aí entra o milagre da renovação e tudo começa outra vez com outro número e outra vontade de acreditar que daqui para adiante vai ser diferente." (Carlos Drummond de Andrade)
“who had the idea of cutting time in slices, calling it ‘year’, was a genius. turned hope into a machine and made it work until the edge of exhaustion. twelve months are enough to make any human being get tired and give up. then comes the miracle of renewal and everything begins again with another count and another will to believe that, from now on, everything will be different.”
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
i'll be counted in!
today is a very special day: i've just purchased my PEARL JAM TEN CLUB MEMBERSHIP! and if i'm not mistaken, today is the last due day to be entitled to receive the Xmas single! even if it's not, ok, now i'm there. at the far end of the line, at the 100th row, but i'm there! that's what i call a Xmas gift! i'm as happy as a little child, really, it's great to feel like that! 2004 turned out to be a great year too. we don't have thanksgiving day here, so i try to give thanks everyday for every little good thing that happens to me. today is a special thanksgiving day!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
(?) - gone
gone (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2004 (?)
i’ve been searching
then you came
but you had your fingers crossed behind your back
i built a castle of cards
then it crumbled down
leaving behind just a pile of wreck
but i don’t need to be here
crawling
collecting crumbs of affection
no i don’t need to be here
kneeling
begging for a bit of attention
so i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and i’ll never be back
now i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and the last thing you’ll see is the back of my neck
i really thought i had found what i was looking for
but i was only half a being
now i know i was wrong
i must be one
to deserve a whole feeling
but i don’t need to be here …
so i’m gone …
i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
the further i can from you
i’ll run
i’ll run
as if i had a gun aimed at the back of my neck
* * *
Rio, Nov 2004 (?)
i’ve been searching
then you came
but you had your fingers crossed behind your back
i built a castle of cards
then it crumbled down
leaving behind just a pile of wreck
but i don’t need to be here
crawling
collecting crumbs of affection
no i don’t need to be here
kneeling
begging for a bit of attention
so i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and i’ll never be back
now i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and the last thing you’ll see is the back of my neck
i really thought i had found what i was looking for
but i was only half a being
now i know i was wrong
i must be one
to deserve a whole feeling
but i don’t need to be here …
so i’m gone …
i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
the further i can from you
i’ll run
i’ll run
as if i had a gun aimed at the back of my neck
* * *
Monday, November 08, 2004
off line
i guess the RM is down again, i couldn't get access since friday. or, i got busted by the IT people at work, and they locked me in. either way, i'm just not sadder because of the sorrow of the last couple of days and the poorly slept nights (it's been two weeks now, insomnia and a heat wave; or is it the summer, and some cold waves ? WHATEVER). so i subscribed the rumor pit, the newsletter issued by the ten club people. at least i'll get to know the news. but i miss the arguments and the silly talk and being in contact with human beings. who like Pearl Jam, of course.
grief
i hope that what happened was not what was about to happen. that what was about to happen is a good thing and still is going to happen. because one of my best friends lost his mother last friday. less than two weeks after his wedding. i guess she couldn't stand being without him. crazy stuff. i don't think the "toll has fallen" for him yet. he's joking and all as he always does, but he's sooo sad. and i'm sad for him. he called me sister, i called him brother and said that i love him. he asked me to sing at the funeral, my voice could barely come out. she was cremated yesterday. talking of the devil, he's just got here, although he's in vacation! love you, man!
Thursday, November 04, 2004
slow
everything seems to be going slow today. i couldn't reach RM (gone again?), things at work that were already going back and forth went backwards again. but there's this feeling of pressure almost touchable, i cant' stop moving my feet, i feel hot and swollen. i'm almost hysterical, i feel like i'm climbing up the walls. ok, i'm ovulating. but it's not only that. i feel it coming, a new vibration. what's going to happen? antecipation for what?
Monday, November 01, 2004
D21C IN RIO
this is what i posted today at RM:
"when Jim Morrison died i was a little girl. in my teen years (the awful 80’s), Jim, Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix formed, for me, the Unholy Trinity, those who burned like fireworks, not candles, mythical entities that had this never land appeal, so seducing to a young eager heart. but, the fact is, i never became a fan (not he way i’m a Pearl Jam fan), it was a feeling of awe for a lost paradise when people still believed that a flower had power, that there could be peace and love on the earth, before war, oil crisis, glitter and leggings took over, followed by more war, market economy, globalization, computers and mobiles. imagine my surprise when i got the news: the doors of the 21st century are playing in Rio! i had to be there, it’s at least, a historical event. but nothing had prepared for what i was about to experience. Claro Hall is a medium sized venue (about 8.500 people), and it was crowded. we arrived late, about ten minutes before the show began. suddenly, “fortuna imperatrix mundi” began to play, and there they were, Ray Manzareck, Robby Krieger, Ian Atsbury, Angelo Barbera (bass) and Ty Dennis (drums; an animal!). they played almost all the classics (i missed People Are Strange, i heard they played it in São Paulo the night before): L.A. Woman, Love Me Two Times, When the Music's Over, Touch Me, Whiskey Bar, Riders on the Storm (only after the encore break!). before playing Five to One, Manzarek said that they loved us, they loved Brazil, that we should make love to them and they would like to make love to us, that we should find love in our hearts for all humankind … but for George W. Bush! that was funny. another highlight was Krieger’s flamenco guitar solo in Spanish Caravan. but the greatest surprise was in Break on Through, when a group of drum players from a samba school from Rio (Mocidade Independente de Padre Miguel, something like Independent Youth of Father Michael – it’s a city district) got on the stage and played olodum drum riffs with the band. man, they really got us then, the crowd went crazy! and the big teaser was, goes without saying, Light My Fire, the last but one, fifteen-minute song with a Eleanor Rigby riff tag, and duels between the band and one of the Brazilians, the guy with the tambourine (here, it’s really small and played with a thin stick). insane! boys and girls who could easily be my kids were there, enjoying every minute, singing all the lyrics, the guys were in ecstasy. in the end, the crowd was screaming the end! the end! but Manzareck said that it was sacred for Jim Morrison… the last thing he did was recite for us the two most famous and controversial sentences in the history of rock: father, i wanna kill you; mother, i wanna fuck you! a last word about the show: it’s been said in the media that Ian Atsbury is playing Morrison when he sings with D21C. man, i don’t know, but it was really weird. he didn’t look like Jim on saturday night (not as much as he does, i think, in some pictures i've seen), he had a red head bandana (what could be more 80’s, for hack’s sake?) and sometimes he danced like Axl Rose (or the other way around… whatever). but if you closed your eyes, it was scary, you’d swear Jimmy was singing. there was a moment when, i’m truly convinced of that, Jimmy was there, cause Ian started the Indian dance! all in all, a memorable event. i’m glad i could feel a breeze of the sixties and totally trip at a Doors show. better late than never…"
"when Jim Morrison died i was a little girl. in my teen years (the awful 80’s), Jim, Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix formed, for me, the Unholy Trinity, those who burned like fireworks, not candles, mythical entities that had this never land appeal, so seducing to a young eager heart. but, the fact is, i never became a fan (not he way i’m a Pearl Jam fan), it was a feeling of awe for a lost paradise when people still believed that a flower had power, that there could be peace and love on the earth, before war, oil crisis, glitter and leggings took over, followed by more war, market economy, globalization, computers and mobiles. imagine my surprise when i got the news: the doors of the 21st century are playing in Rio! i had to be there, it’s at least, a historical event. but nothing had prepared for what i was about to experience. Claro Hall is a medium sized venue (about 8.500 people), and it was crowded. we arrived late, about ten minutes before the show began. suddenly, “fortuna imperatrix mundi” began to play, and there they were, Ray Manzareck, Robby Krieger, Ian Atsbury, Angelo Barbera (bass) and Ty Dennis (drums; an animal!). they played almost all the classics (i missed People Are Strange, i heard they played it in São Paulo the night before): L.A. Woman, Love Me Two Times, When the Music's Over, Touch Me, Whiskey Bar, Riders on the Storm (only after the encore break!). before playing Five to One, Manzarek said that they loved us, they loved Brazil, that we should make love to them and they would like to make love to us, that we should find love in our hearts for all humankind … but for George W. Bush! that was funny. another highlight was Krieger’s flamenco guitar solo in Spanish Caravan. but the greatest surprise was in Break on Through, when a group of drum players from a samba school from Rio (Mocidade Independente de Padre Miguel, something like Independent Youth of Father Michael – it’s a city district) got on the stage and played olodum drum riffs with the band. man, they really got us then, the crowd went crazy! and the big teaser was, goes without saying, Light My Fire, the last but one, fifteen-minute song with a Eleanor Rigby riff tag, and duels between the band and one of the Brazilians, the guy with the tambourine (here, it’s really small and played with a thin stick). insane! boys and girls who could easily be my kids were there, enjoying every minute, singing all the lyrics, the guys were in ecstasy. in the end, the crowd was screaming the end! the end! but Manzareck said that it was sacred for Jim Morrison… the last thing he did was recite for us the two most famous and controversial sentences in the history of rock: father, i wanna kill you; mother, i wanna fuck you! a last word about the show: it’s been said in the media that Ian Atsbury is playing Morrison when he sings with D21C. man, i don’t know, but it was really weird. he didn’t look like Jim on saturday night (not as much as he does, i think, in some pictures i've seen), he had a red head bandana (what could be more 80’s, for hack’s sake?) and sometimes he danced like Axl Rose (or the other way around… whatever). but if you closed your eyes, it was scary, you’d swear Jimmy was singing. there was a moment when, i’m truly convinced of that, Jimmy was there, cause Ian started the Indian dance! all in all, a memorable event. i’m glad i could feel a breeze of the sixties and totally trip at a Doors show. better late than never…"
Friday, October 29, 2004
happy again
because RM is back! it's been two weeks now. start from scratch. no more empty mail box. thrilling discussions. making of new acquaintances. a different way of being lonely, that's what these virtual social contacts are. not less important at all, i remember well my reaction when the board went down. i'm ok now.
Monday, October 18, 2004
what that i feared the most...
has met me halfway: an empty e-mail box. man, i feel lonely. in the last couple of years i've been learning the difference between alone and lonely. definitely, lonely is much worse. you're surrounded by people that you love and yet you devaluate their presence, as if they weren't there, or worse, as if they didn't matter, they were not enough. though you feel like crap, that's, bottomline, the summit of selfishness, of egocentrism (if this word exists... whatever). so, i feel twice as bad. one life saver, though: i got my Buffy Sainte-Marie album and i'm totally blown away by "God is alive/Magic is afoot". it makes me cry everytime. i have to sing that song!
Friday, October 15, 2004
WTF!
i just got really bad news: the Red Mosquito Forum is closed! too much data, no money. i'm really sad, it's been a life saver through these times of trouble. where can i go now when i can't stand the environment? i feel like a lost child, it's so shallow to say, but it felt like a big family without the bad stuff. maybe there's something that can be done. hope dies last...
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
(?) sad today
sad today (by deav)
Rio, Out 2004 (?)
nothing’s changed
no tragic event’s taken place
it’s not cause this room feels strange
or i can’t remember my face
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause i’m lonely
it’s not cause i’m getting old
it’s not cause it’s raining
it’s not cause it’s getting cold
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause dreams seem pointless
now that the world’s at war
not cause children are starving
now that hope’s so far
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause i hurt all over
it’s not cause i’m filled with sorrow
it’s not cause the movie is over
it’s not cause there’s work tomorrow
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
* * *
Rio, Out 2004 (?)
nothing’s changed
no tragic event’s taken place
it’s not cause this room feels strange
or i can’t remember my face
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause i’m lonely
it’s not cause i’m getting old
it’s not cause it’s raining
it’s not cause it’s getting cold
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause dreams seem pointless
now that the world’s at war
not cause children are starving
now that hope’s so far
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
it’s not cause i hurt all over
it’s not cause i’m filled with sorrow
it’s not cause the movie is over
it’s not cause there’s work tomorrow
i just feel so sad
i just feel so sad today
* * *
(?) almost
almost (by deav)
Rio, Out 2003 - Ago 2004 (?)
you almost held my hand
you almost held me tight
i almost told you almost all
i almost felt inside
i almost showed you all of myself
you almost hide from me all of yourself
we almost kissed each other
we almost made love that night
you almost didn’t fall in love with me
i almost didn’t fall out of love with you
i almost didn’t let you go
you almost didn’t want to be with me
i almost chose to be together
you almost went away instead
if those who almost die still live
those who almost live are almost dead
almost dead
you almost needed me
i almost didn’t stop needing you
you almost used me a little bit
i almost let you use almost all of me
you almost didn’t know what to do with me
you almost didn’t know what to think of me
you almost touched my hair
you almost showed you cared (or didn’t care)
you almost didn’t fall in love with me …
though you almost didn’t love me
i almost loved you…
* * *
Rio, Out 2003 - Ago 2004 (?)
you almost held my hand
you almost held me tight
i almost told you almost all
i almost felt inside
i almost showed you all of myself
you almost hide from me all of yourself
we almost kissed each other
we almost made love that night
you almost didn’t fall in love with me
i almost didn’t fall out of love with you
i almost didn’t let you go
you almost didn’t want to be with me
i almost chose to be together
you almost went away instead
if those who almost die still live
those who almost live are almost dead
almost dead
you almost needed me
i almost didn’t stop needing you
you almost used me a little bit
i almost let you use almost all of me
you almost didn’t know what to do with me
you almost didn’t know what to think of me
you almost touched my hair
you almost showed you cared (or didn’t care)
you almost didn’t fall in love with me …
though you almost didn’t love me
i almost loved you…
* * *
Thursday, October 07, 2004
furtherland
it's been a really great experience, to be able to talk about my favorite band for the last 19 months now: Pearl Jam. it's great to talk with people from all over the world who share the same joy of being a fan of the band. it's been like part of my re-adolescence (middle-life crisis, yet?), it's been good, it makes me feel happy. the new things i've been learning, the music new to me, it's so exciting! i found out i actually like punk rock! it doesn't frighten me anymore. i got three Ramones albums, a Buzzcocks album, a collection of punk music from History of Rock, a collection of garage rock, and so far i enjoy every minute of it. Pearl Jam has widened my musical horizons, cause they do a cover, then i go after the original recording, a fall in love with the band. it happened with The Who. it's such a creative moment for me, my playing is improving, i've been practicing a lot playing PJ songs, my greatest feat was learning to play Dead Man, one of PJ's most impressive songs to me, all by myself, just by seeing the dvd Live At The Garden. the only set-back is i'm spending a huge amount of money on cds and dvds. the more i spend, the more i get, that's what i always say. low phase and all, that's the best time of my life. NOW!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
hey, there
been some time, hun? been posting in further lands. the lyrics are coming slowly. been working less, but it feels like more. hard to stand a days work, hard to stand being alone at home. ha, gave myself a dvd player for my birthday, that's been good to watch PEARL JAM through the nights. chock treatment for the low phase. and after 25 years, i could finally see Led Zeppelin play. Goddess, THEY WERE GOOD. blog is lonely, sad i never get a comment. even a bad one. alone in the crowd. in "furtherland" at least we share, watch the arguments, read some crap, get some human contact. low phase... there are some features missing (italic, bold) or have i done some shit? anybody in/out there? the truth? no? and now my favorite word after FUCK: WHATEVER.
Friday, August 27, 2004
(?) - lonely
lonely (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003 - Mai-Ago 2004 (?)
space measured by time
time measured by how i feel
time passes differently to each one
i believe
drag my big heart around
(it) doesn’t fit in the subway
it shatters, you should see
beautifully
it’s nonsense, i know
but let me imagine you
through all the lonely nights
sad, as it may be, it’s true
the countless times
that i’ve made love to you
without you here
the silly things we do
to fill the hole inside
they’re not enough to wash
away the fear
one eye green, one eye blue
i made it hard to find
i sabotage myself
pathetically
it’s hopeless, i know
but let me treasure you
for just a little while
strange as it may be, it’s true
when things are crumbling down
it only takes the thought of you…
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003 - Mai-Ago 2004 (?)
space measured by time
time measured by how i feel
time passes differently to each one
i believe
drag my big heart around
(it) doesn’t fit in the subway
it shatters, you should see
beautifully
it’s nonsense, i know
but let me imagine you
through all the lonely nights
sad, as it may be, it’s true
the countless times
that i’ve made love to you
without you here
the silly things we do
to fill the hole inside
they’re not enough to wash
away the fear
one eye green, one eye blue
i made it hard to find
i sabotage myself
pathetically
it’s hopeless, i know
but let me treasure you
for just a little while
strange as it may be, it’s true
when things are crumbling down
it only takes the thought of you…
* * *
Thursday, August 19, 2004
(?) - butterfly effect
butterfly effect (by deav)
Rio, Jul-Ago 2004 (?)
we become the choices we make
but we never care much
‘bout the promises we break
and as for the road we take
we can’t help wondering
‘bout the road not taken
when everything sounds like an omen
we get frozen
scared of the next step
the more we try
to avoid the consequences
the more we become
the agents of our own fate
what do we do?
who can i turn to
if the pain is self inflicted
and i’m the only one to blame?
where can we go?
what does the future keep?
if tomorrow doesn’t come
until it becomes today?
skeletons we keep in the closet
come back to haunt us
lurking around our soul
and as for the sins we overlook
sooner or later
evil collects its toll
what do we do ? …
* * *
Rio, Jul-Ago 2004 (?)
we become the choices we make
but we never care much
‘bout the promises we break
and as for the road we take
we can’t help wondering
‘bout the road not taken
when everything sounds like an omen
we get frozen
scared of the next step
the more we try
to avoid the consequences
the more we become
the agents of our own fate
what do we do?
who can i turn to
if the pain is self inflicted
and i’m the only one to blame?
where can we go?
what does the future keep?
if tomorrow doesn’t come
until it becomes today?
skeletons we keep in the closet
come back to haunt us
lurking around our soul
and as for the sins we overlook
sooner or later
evil collects its toll
what do we do ? …
* * *
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
i will be beaten
so now i discover that writing in lower case is bad... after all the work of deliberately taking the upper case format from all the "i"... . maybe i can be excused for taking the liberty, because i'm not a native speaker (though that's not really the reason why i do it). does it really bother anyone (else)? sorry, but that's my way. the web is supposed to be a democratic forum, where freedom of speech and expression can be put into practice. there are worse things to worry about on the net, things that can be harmful to people's minds and spirits. but the question is, who sets the rules? who controls the controller ? i believe there's a common sense, a sense of what is good, that is above all the differences. this sense tells me, that "lower case x upper case" issue is too small to bother. but i bothered to write about it, so let me be beaten. for that.
Monday, August 09, 2004
ufa !
i finished posting my lyrics today, finally. feels a little like delivering a child (though i've never gone through the experience in this life) ... now they're out there. looking forward to writing the next forty. it seems like they're not as many as they should be considering the time it took me to write them. but they mean a lot, they're parts of me, layers of skin.
(?) - barely living
barely living (by deav)
Rio, Jul 2004 (?)
wake up, the clock is ringing
stand up, the room is spinning
back down,
it’s there, but i can’t see the sun
eight minutes more, the clock
is snoozing, i get up again
eyes blurred,
i stand up and just stumble on
i can’t see my face,
hidden by scrambled hair
in sleepy confusion,
yawning, i mumble
i’m barely living
one hour to get ready
and leave, twenty minutes to get there
where i am, yet i am not
feel like a ghost, a lost soul
things flow like in slow motion
feel like a fish inside a water bowl
night falls, all the way back
knowing tomorrow will be
the same,
head on the pillow i wonder
i’m barely living
* * *
Rio, Jul 2004 (?)
wake up, the clock is ringing
stand up, the room is spinning
back down,
it’s there, but i can’t see the sun
eight minutes more, the clock
is snoozing, i get up again
eyes blurred,
i stand up and just stumble on
i can’t see my face,
hidden by scrambled hair
in sleepy confusion,
yawning, i mumble
i’m barely living
one hour to get ready
and leave, twenty minutes to get there
where i am, yet i am not
feel like a ghost, a lost soul
things flow like in slow motion
feel like a fish inside a water bowl
night falls, all the way back
knowing tomorrow will be
the same,
head on the pillow i wonder
i’m barely living
* * *
exposed - crazy # 3
crazy #3 (by deav)
Rio, Mai 2003 - Jun 2004
(exposed)
i could smoke a pack of cigarettes in a roll
i could stop eating
i could stop bathing, cleaning up
i could develop a heavier addiction
i could have bad effects
and call up all my neighbors for help
when all i want is a little conversation
i could repeat myself
i could repeat myself
but i don’t
but i don’t
but i don’t
i could take my clothes off on the street
i could fuck the first person i meet
i could curse everyone at work
there are many fucked up things
that i could think of
when all i want is a little bit of attention
i could hurt myself
i could kill myself
but i don’t
but i don’t
but i don’t
guess i’m not so crazy after all (yet)
guess i’m not so crazy…
* * *
Rio, Mai 2003 - Jun 2004
(exposed)
i could smoke a pack of cigarettes in a roll
i could stop eating
i could stop bathing, cleaning up
i could develop a heavier addiction
i could have bad effects
and call up all my neighbors for help
when all i want is a little conversation
i could repeat myself
i could repeat myself
but i don’t
but i don’t
but i don’t
i could take my clothes off on the street
i could fuck the first person i meet
i could curse everyone at work
there are many fucked up things
that i could think of
when all i want is a little bit of attention
i could hurt myself
i could kill myself
but i don’t
but i don’t
but i don’t
guess i’m not so crazy after all (yet)
guess i’m not so crazy…
* * *
exposed - retrograde # 2
retrograde #2 (by deav)
Brasília, Mai 2004
(exposed)
sit here
watching planes go by
sucking smoke
as they cross the dark sky
it’s not that
i haven’t been like this before
only now i feel lonely and sore
miles away from home
thinking ‘bout nothing
a little bit ‘bout you
but that’s a sad thing
if home is where your heart is
then i’m homeless
with a shattered heart like this
i wonder
if you were here with me
should i need
someone help me be
if only
i could find an answer
it would be good if i
could understand the questions
so old
but never started living
crazy dreaming
i feel like losing it
no plane
can take me to your eyes
at least there’re fireflies
if only i could make some sense…
* * *
Brasília, Mai 2004
(exposed)
sit here
watching planes go by
sucking smoke
as they cross the dark sky
it’s not that
i haven’t been like this before
only now i feel lonely and sore
miles away from home
thinking ‘bout nothing
a little bit ‘bout you
but that’s a sad thing
if home is where your heart is
then i’m homeless
with a shattered heart like this
i wonder
if you were here with me
should i need
someone help me be
if only
i could find an answer
it would be good if i
could understand the questions
so old
but never started living
crazy dreaming
i feel like losing it
no plane
can take me to your eyes
at least there’re fireflies
if only i could make some sense…
* * *
(?) - red moon
red moon (by deav)
Rio, Mar - Abr 2004 (?)
sometimes
i wonder it’s my life i’m living
or somebody else’s
it’s time
to figure out a way of digging
an exit for myself
cause
everything i wanted to do
everything i wanted to know
is falling down
all the time
i wonder why i’m here just sleeping
i wanna be awake
if only i could remember
maybe i could stop dragging
the chains i must break
but
i get more and more wrapped up
in this thread of madness
look into my eyes
you know you just gotta say it
tell me why
please stay (say it)
* * *
Rio, Mar - Abr 2004 (?)
sometimes
i wonder it’s my life i’m living
or somebody else’s
it’s time
to figure out a way of digging
an exit for myself
cause
everything i wanted to do
everything i wanted to know
is falling down
all the time
i wonder why i’m here just sleeping
i wanna be awake
if only i could remember
maybe i could stop dragging
the chains i must break
but
i get more and more wrapped up
in this thread of madness
look into my eyes
you know you just gotta say it
tell me why
please stay (say it)
* * *
exposed - retrograde
retrograde (by deav)
Rio, Jan 2004
(exposed)
invaded my time
invaded my space
don’t like it, don’t like it
invaded my thoughts
changed my plans
don’t like it, don’t like it
is it all worth
for the way you make me feel?
took hold of my body
i like it, i like it
it’s so hard to change my ways
do i like it? i don’t like it
is it all worth …?
it’s too early to say i love you
so i won’t, no i won’t
guess i’m not ready for you
no i’m not, no i’m not
is it al worth …?
* * *
Rio, Jan 2004
(exposed)
invaded my time
invaded my space
don’t like it, don’t like it
invaded my thoughts
changed my plans
don’t like it, don’t like it
is it all worth
for the way you make me feel?
took hold of my body
i like it, i like it
it’s so hard to change my ways
do i like it? i don’t like it
is it all worth …?
it’s too early to say i love you
so i won’t, no i won’t
guess i’m not ready for you
no i’m not, no i’m not
is it al worth …?
* * *
exposed - winged
winged (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
down on the subway
the lights are cold
but i feel warm
almost feel like i belong
i’ll be getting there soon
the rest of my life awaits me
guess now it won’t be long
i’ve come to realize
i’ve got to leave the cave
oh, what a surprise
the wings are on me now
i fly to the sun, i burn
i’ll be reborn somehow
i feel so old yet so young
everything is changing fast
hope i don’t do anything wrong
i feel so weak yet so strong
will anything i’ve been last
i have to move away go on
i’ve come to realize
i’ve got to leave the nest
oh, what a surprise
the wings are on me now
i fly to the sun, i burn
i’ll be reborn somehow
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
down on the subway
the lights are cold
but i feel warm
almost feel like i belong
i’ll be getting there soon
the rest of my life awaits me
guess now it won’t be long
i’ve come to realize
i’ve got to leave the cave
oh, what a surprise
the wings are on me now
i fly to the sun, i burn
i’ll be reborn somehow
i feel so old yet so young
everything is changing fast
hope i don’t do anything wrong
i feel so weak yet so strong
will anything i’ve been last
i have to move away go on
i’ve come to realize
i’ve got to leave the nest
oh, what a surprise
the wings are on me now
i fly to the sun, i burn
i’ll be reborn somehow
* * *
(?) - lost umbrellas
lost umbrellas (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003 (?)
the smoke i don’t exhale
where does it go?
the tears that i don’t shed
do they drench my heart? i drown
do i drown from the inside?
the things that i forget
where do lost memories go?
and all the paths i’ve walked
where do i go? do i go?
or just lie by the side of the road?
old answers don’t fit
when questions change
does love hurt? does pain kill?
what about the water that flows to the sea
is it the same that rains over me?
do thoughts fly? where do lost dreams go?
how many umbrellas have you lost?
have you found, have you ever found any?
old answers don’t fit
when questions change
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003 (?)
the smoke i don’t exhale
where does it go?
the tears that i don’t shed
do they drench my heart? i drown
do i drown from the inside?
the things that i forget
where do lost memories go?
and all the paths i’ve walked
where do i go? do i go?
or just lie by the side of the road?
old answers don’t fit
when questions change
does love hurt? does pain kill?
what about the water that flows to the sea
is it the same that rains over me?
do thoughts fly? where do lost dreams go?
how many umbrellas have you lost?
have you found, have you ever found any?
old answers don’t fit
when questions change
* * *
(?) - truth
truth (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003 (?)
oh, tell me your secret
the one i have to know
if you tell me i’ll decide
the way i want to go
your telling me is crucial
to the step i have to take
your answer’s fundamental
to the choice i wish to make
so tell me what you’ve been hiding
from me
oh, don’t be afraid
the truth will set you free
don’t panic, it’s not like you’re
confessing a sin our a crime
got an idea of what you’re keeping
so tell me and save us precious time
don’t worry bout losing what we have
your secret can’t be so bad
for i can’t be completely wrong
i’ve learned it with my heart
not with my head
so tell me what you’ve been hiding
from me
oh, don’t be afraid
the truth will set us free…
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003 (?)
oh, tell me your secret
the one i have to know
if you tell me i’ll decide
the way i want to go
your telling me is crucial
to the step i have to take
your answer’s fundamental
to the choice i wish to make
so tell me what you’ve been hiding
from me
oh, don’t be afraid
the truth will set you free
don’t panic, it’s not like you’re
confessing a sin our a crime
got an idea of what you’re keeping
so tell me and save us precious time
don’t worry bout losing what we have
your secret can’t be so bad
for i can’t be completely wrong
i’ve learned it with my heart
not with my head
so tell me what you’ve been hiding
from me
oh, don’t be afraid
the truth will set us free…
* * *
exposed - half
half (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
i’ve cleaned up half the house
i’ve washed half the dishes
but the clothes i’ve washed them all
i have lived half my life
i’ve learned half the speeches
but the truth i think i’ll never learn it all
guess i’ll never know
if the glass is half full or half empty
guess it turns out the same in the end
i’ve said many lies
guess half of them were true
and of the loves i’ve loved
half of them were real
i have been half a being
looking for another half to fulfill me
i guess now i’m whole
looking for another whole, still
guess i’ll never know…
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
i’ve cleaned up half the house
i’ve washed half the dishes
but the clothes i’ve washed them all
i have lived half my life
i’ve learned half the speeches
but the truth i think i’ll never learn it all
guess i’ll never know
if the glass is half full or half empty
guess it turns out the same in the end
i’ve said many lies
guess half of them were true
and of the loves i’ve loved
half of them were real
i have been half a being
looking for another half to fulfill me
i guess now i’m whole
looking for another whole, still
guess i’ll never know…
* * *
exposed - untouchable
untouchable (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
don’t look at me this way
i don’t think i can resist
maybe i don’t want to
you don’t need to insist
what is it that you’ve got
that makes me feel like a prey?
it should be bad but it’s not
it’s weird to like it this way
don’t touch me this way
don’t touch me this way
don’t touch me that way again
never felt like this before
for sure it is something new
i don’t want to wait no more
i wish to give in to you
this total loss of control
it could be good or so bad
right or wrong i don’t know
you’ve crawled up inside my head
don’t touch …
* * *
Rio, Ago 2003
(exposed)
don’t look at me this way
i don’t think i can resist
maybe i don’t want to
you don’t need to insist
what is it that you’ve got
that makes me feel like a prey?
it should be bad but it’s not
it’s weird to like it this way
don’t touch me this way
don’t touch me this way
don’t touch me that way again
never felt like this before
for sure it is something new
i don’t want to wait no more
i wish to give in to you
this total loss of control
it could be good or so bad
right or wrong i don’t know
you’ve crawled up inside my head
don’t touch …
* * *
harvest (?) - lazy young dressmaker
lazy young dressmaker (by deav)
Rio, Jul 2003
(harvest?)
lazy young dressmaker
remember what your grandmamma said
keep your thread short
keep your scissors sharp
you got plenty of work ahead
gotta sew a shirt for your man
ain’t got money for a piece of silk
gotta harvest the cotton in the field
with your own two small bare hands…
lazy young dressmaker…
spin the cotton into a fine thread
weave the cloth in the loom
careful not to stain the white with red
‘cause your man will be home soon
lazy young dressmaker…
gotta sew a quilt for your child
paint the scenes with colorful shreds
keep your stitches small and steady
for in three months it must be ready
lazy young dressmaker…
* * *
Rio, Jul 2003
(harvest?)
lazy young dressmaker
remember what your grandmamma said
keep your thread short
keep your scissors sharp
you got plenty of work ahead
gotta sew a shirt for your man
ain’t got money for a piece of silk
gotta harvest the cotton in the field
with your own two small bare hands…
lazy young dressmaker…
spin the cotton into a fine thread
weave the cloth in the loom
careful not to stain the white with red
‘cause your man will be home soon
lazy young dressmaker…
gotta sew a quilt for your child
paint the scenes with colorful shreds
keep your stitches small and steady
for in three months it must be ready
lazy young dressmaker…
* * *
(?) - supercalifragilistic day
supercalifragilistic day (by deav)
Rio, Jun 2003 (?)
i remember him walking up our street
his brown suit, his grey hat
and his magical bag
he was hard to miss
he would bring joy every time he came
not only cause he brought
candy bags my height
but cause from him i learned
the awe of simple things
that he should disappear, that’s not right
i’m just here taking cotton candy
and popcorn from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i’m just here, taking cocoanut candies
and mint gum, from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i would go down the slide right into his arms
of wooden pieces i would build my castle
with stories about the laponians on my mind
he was our own private mary poppins
our very own summer santa claus
funny that my kids say now
i’m the one that brings the feeling of wonder
he used to bring to our house
i’m just here, taking lollypops
and lace lamps from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i’m just here, taking flying umbrellas
and teddy bears from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
* * *
Rio, Jun 2003 (?)
i remember him walking up our street
his brown suit, his grey hat
and his magical bag
he was hard to miss
he would bring joy every time he came
not only cause he brought
candy bags my height
but cause from him i learned
the awe of simple things
that he should disappear, that’s not right
i’m just here taking cotton candy
and popcorn from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i’m just here, taking cocoanut candies
and mint gum, from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i would go down the slide right into his arms
of wooden pieces i would build my castle
with stories about the laponians on my mind
he was our own private mary poppins
our very own summer santa claus
funny that my kids say now
i’m the one that brings the feeling of wonder
he used to bring to our house
i’m just here, taking lollypops
and lace lamps from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
i’m just here, taking flying umbrellas
and teddy bears from my bag
our laughter lifts us up
and brings a supercalifragilistic day
* * *
harvest (?) - hope
hope (by deav)
Rio, Jun 2003
(harvest?)
one minute you were here
the center of my life
though i didn’t think of that all the time
the other you were gone, taken away
i didn’t figure out why till today
i regret i took you for granted
watching you grow up
was something so certain
it’s hard to realize
your image is vanishing
your picture tells me
it’s nobody’s fault but mine
sorry it’s been so long
that for an hour or so
i manage to forget you
but then i remember
what it is to walk in the world
with a hole
where there used to be a heart
sometimes i wake up from a dream
where i was holding you again
i just keep on searching
i wonder what keeps me going
it’s hope, just hope
i wonder if all of this will ever be over
the worst thing is not knowing
i confess sometimes
i wish i got bad news
what kind of person have i become?
sorry it’s been so long
that for an hour or so
i manage to forget you
but then i remember
what it is to walk in the world
with a hole where there used to be a heart
* * *
Rio, Jun 2003
(harvest?)
one minute you were here
the center of my life
though i didn’t think of that all the time
the other you were gone, taken away
i didn’t figure out why till today
i regret i took you for granted
watching you grow up
was something so certain
it’s hard to realize
your image is vanishing
your picture tells me
it’s nobody’s fault but mine
sorry it’s been so long
that for an hour or so
i manage to forget you
but then i remember
what it is to walk in the world
with a hole
where there used to be a heart
sometimes i wake up from a dream
where i was holding you again
i just keep on searching
i wonder what keeps me going
it’s hope, just hope
i wonder if all of this will ever be over
the worst thing is not knowing
i confess sometimes
i wish i got bad news
what kind of person have i become?
sorry it’s been so long
that for an hour or so
i manage to forget you
but then i remember
what it is to walk in the world
with a hole where there used to be a heart
* * *
exposed - this
this (by deav)
Rio, Mai 2003
(exposed)
just as we’d started
feeling comfortable
in each others arms
putting aside the knowledge
of the parting hour getting by
daring to choose the names
of the children we’d make together
that was sweet, but we had to go
soon there’ll be an ocean between us
it’s sad but soon everything
but the memories,
will fade away, even those,
just until they start to hurt too bad
then they’ll be gone
hope a little bit of them remain
enough to turn into a song or two
in the years to come
think of all the things
that never came to be
we’re all in the hands of fate
if i had just crossed a street
i would have never seen your face
i guess the timing was wrong
maybe it wasn’t meant to be, after all
though it felt so strong
what rises eventually falls
at least we had this
at least we had this
that we had
at least we had this…
* * *
Rio, Mai 2003
(exposed)
just as we’d started
feeling comfortable
in each others arms
putting aside the knowledge
of the parting hour getting by
daring to choose the names
of the children we’d make together
that was sweet, but we had to go
soon there’ll be an ocean between us
it’s sad but soon everything
but the memories,
will fade away, even those,
just until they start to hurt too bad
then they’ll be gone
hope a little bit of them remain
enough to turn into a song or two
in the years to come
think of all the things
that never came to be
we’re all in the hands of fate
if i had just crossed a street
i would have never seen your face
i guess the timing was wrong
maybe it wasn’t meant to be, after all
though it felt so strong
what rises eventually falls
at least we had this
at least we had this
that we had
at least we had this…
* * *
exposed - block
block (by deav)
Rio, Mai-Jul 2003
(exposed)
i was alive
i was awake
i was spinning ‘round
dancing to my sound
i was drunk with joy
i was drenched in hope
i was emitting light
holding life tight
yet there was a spot of shadow
a drop of fear of what lied ahead
after all, "happiness always ends"
"that’s the one thing
you must understand"
what i feared most is taking place
the shadow has wiped the smile off my face
please don’t let me be trapped inside again
please don’t let me live in never-ending pain
make it not be…
i’ve walked this path before
thought what i was free for good
i don’t want to be alone anymore
if you could save me
i wonder if you would
what i feared most is taking place …
* * *
Rio, Mai-Jul 2003
(exposed)
i was alive
i was awake
i was spinning ‘round
dancing to my sound
i was drunk with joy
i was drenched in hope
i was emitting light
holding life tight
yet there was a spot of shadow
a drop of fear of what lied ahead
after all, "happiness always ends"
"that’s the one thing
you must understand"
what i feared most is taking place
the shadow has wiped the smile off my face
please don’t let me be trapped inside again
please don’t let me live in never-ending pain
make it not be…
i’ve walked this path before
thought what i was free for good
i don’t want to be alone anymore
if you could save me
i wonder if you would
what i feared most is taking place …
* * *
exposed - bounce
bounce (by deav)
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
sometimes i feel like a rubber ball
bouncing from ceiling to floor
and every wall
body aching, broken head
i wonder if i pass through the door
i’ll be run over and thorn
sometimes i feel like a dry rose leaf
taken and carried by a raging wind
thoughts spinning as i spin around
i wonder when i get to the ground
i’ll be stepped upon
in a moment so brief
wish i could only feel like myself
if only i knew how…
sometimes i feel like a seaweed
floating through the shifting currents
brought from the chasm
by waves and torrents
i wonder when i get to the shore
i’ll dry out and die under the sun
wish i could only feel like myself
if only i knew how…
* * *
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
sometimes i feel like a rubber ball
bouncing from ceiling to floor
and every wall
body aching, broken head
i wonder if i pass through the door
i’ll be run over and thorn
sometimes i feel like a dry rose leaf
taken and carried by a raging wind
thoughts spinning as i spin around
i wonder when i get to the ground
i’ll be stepped upon
in a moment so brief
wish i could only feel like myself
if only i knew how…
sometimes i feel like a seaweed
floating through the shifting currents
brought from the chasm
by waves and torrents
i wonder when i get to the shore
i’ll dry out and die under the sun
wish i could only feel like myself
if only i knew how…
* * *
exposed - moon on the corner
moon on the corner (by deav)
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
the days are heart-crushing
what’s the meaning of everything?
what am i doing here
if my will lies elsewhere?
the hours are longer
but the sun is gone too soon
i was getting stronger
now i long for locking myself up in my room
i can’t sleep i roll over
i feel life is getting shorter
the smoke whirls up
and hides the moon on the corner
the nights are never long enough
to make up for the time loss of the day
when i finally turn off the other peoples’ lives
it’s tomorrow, today is yesterday
the hours finally weigh on my eyelids
only there’s no sandman song
nightmares hurt only when i breathe
i must be doing something wrong
i can’t sleep i roll over
i feel life is getting shorter
the smoke whirls up
and hides the moon on the corner
* * *
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
the days are heart-crushing
what’s the meaning of everything?
what am i doing here
if my will lies elsewhere?
the hours are longer
but the sun is gone too soon
i was getting stronger
now i long for locking myself up in my room
i can’t sleep i roll over
i feel life is getting shorter
the smoke whirls up
and hides the moon on the corner
the nights are never long enough
to make up for the time loss of the day
when i finally turn off the other peoples’ lives
it’s tomorrow, today is yesterday
the hours finally weigh on my eyelids
only there’s no sandman song
nightmares hurt only when i breathe
i must be doing something wrong
i can’t sleep i roll over
i feel life is getting shorter
the smoke whirls up
and hides the moon on the corner
* * *
exposed - box
box (by deav)
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
i’m packed up in a concrete box
wrapped up in paint, dust and wire
i can only see a little piece of sky
is that the sun, that ball of fire?
the vicious sickening choking air
comes in with a scary roaring sound
the phantom blinding cold lights
hurt the eyes that roll around
we’re the box people
we crawl from box to box
we’ve become boxes ourselves
where we lock up our hearts…
there are others here with me
buried in piles of paper
i’m cuffed to my chair
we’re the screaming boxes
can’t you see?
but no-one fucking seems to care
we’re the box people…
* * *
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
i’m packed up in a concrete box
wrapped up in paint, dust and wire
i can only see a little piece of sky
is that the sun, that ball of fire?
the vicious sickening choking air
comes in with a scary roaring sound
the phantom blinding cold lights
hurt the eyes that roll around
we’re the box people
we crawl from box to box
we’ve become boxes ourselves
where we lock up our hearts…
there are others here with me
buried in piles of paper
i’m cuffed to my chair
we’re the screaming boxes
can’t you see?
but no-one fucking seems to care
we’re the box people…
* * *
exposed - devil's gold
devil’s gold (by deav)
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
now i’m properly labeled
i’m a number in a tag
i feel almost comfortable now
i’ll be counted in again
now i wear a badge
now i’m in the system
now i’ll give my mind and blood
in exchange for the devil’s gold
it’s a relief, actually
after being disconnected
for a while
i can breathe finally
now that my life is back
to a file
now i wear a leash
i’ll wear it till i get old
now i’ll give my heart and soul
in exchange for the devil’s gold
and the brief taste of hope
and the soft wind of freedom
will be dropped along the road
as i gladly worship the shadow kingdom
(set me free)
* * *
Rio, Mai-Jun 2003
(exposed)
now i’m properly labeled
i’m a number in a tag
i feel almost comfortable now
i’ll be counted in again
now i wear a badge
now i’m in the system
now i’ll give my mind and blood
in exchange for the devil’s gold
it’s a relief, actually
after being disconnected
for a while
i can breathe finally
now that my life is back
to a file
now i wear a leash
i’ll wear it till i get old
now i’ll give my heart and soul
in exchange for the devil’s gold
and the brief taste of hope
and the soft wind of freedom
will be dropped along the road
as i gladly worship the shadow kingdom
(set me free)
* * *
the awakening - someone
someone (by deav)
Rio, Mai 2003
(the awakening)
you who comes from afar
from distant lands
please tell me something good
come and tell me
there, where you come from
are there children laughing?
are there?
are there love songs? are there?
someone, somewhere
must be happy
you who comes from near
in a time machine
please tell me something good
come and tell me
then, when you come from
is there freedom for all?
is a man judged by the measure
of his integrity?
someone, sometime
must be happy
you who comes from above
in a space ship
please tell me something good
come and tell me
there, in the silent vacuum
do you people live in friendship?
and does love last forever,
or is it like here?
someone, somehow
must be happy
* * *
Rio, Mai 2003
(the awakening)
you who comes from afar
from distant lands
please tell me something good
come and tell me
there, where you come from
are there children laughing?
are there?
are there love songs? are there?
someone, somewhere
must be happy
you who comes from near
in a time machine
please tell me something good
come and tell me
then, when you come from
is there freedom for all?
is a man judged by the measure
of his integrity?
someone, sometime
must be happy
you who comes from above
in a space ship
please tell me something good
come and tell me
there, in the silent vacuum
do you people live in friendship?
and does love last forever,
or is it like here?
someone, somehow
must be happy
* * *
the awakening - crazy # 2
crazy#2 (by deav)
Rio, Mar–Mai 2003
(the awakening)
you don’t know me enough to tell
you don’t know me enough to tell
what suits me, what fits me
you don’t know me enough to tell
you don’t know me enough to tell
what digs me, what heats me
you’re driving me crazy
never cease to amaze me
do you really call this love?
if it’s so, please, hate me
i guess you know me enough to use
i guess you know me enough to use
what hurts me against me
i guess you know me enough to use
i guess you know me enough to use
what sucks me, what fucks me
if you hate me i can fight back
i can defend myself
but if you love me this twisted way
there’s no way, i’ll go crazy
you say
this is all for your own good
this is all for your own good
sorry
i find it hard to believe
crazy …
* * *
Rio, Mar–Mai 2003
(the awakening)
you don’t know me enough to tell
you don’t know me enough to tell
what suits me, what fits me
you don’t know me enough to tell
you don’t know me enough to tell
what digs me, what heats me
you’re driving me crazy
never cease to amaze me
do you really call this love?
if it’s so, please, hate me
i guess you know me enough to use
i guess you know me enough to use
what hurts me against me
i guess you know me enough to use
i guess you know me enough to use
what sucks me, what fucks me
if you hate me i can fight back
i can defend myself
but if you love me this twisted way
there’s no way, i’ll go crazy
you say
this is all for your own good
this is all for your own good
sorry
i find it hard to believe
crazy …
* * *
the awakening - tljg
traffic light juggler girl (tljg) (by deav)
Rio, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
look at her
she’s throwing balls in the air
she’s not very good
but she could be worse at her age
this city is a circus
but who’s the clown here?
who’s the beast locked up in a cage?
you fear her you’d better do
what harm could a child do?
but her fear is bigger and it’s not of you
but of the eyes that watch in a distance
watching you too
you’re just passing by, acclimatized
but she has to stay
there’s no way out for her
only those that take her, stigmatized
to dark alleys and stinking rooms
better stay under the three way lights
like sad spotlights on an open stage
to a show no-one stays long enough to watch
then the bride passes by in a metal chariot
the closer to a fairy tale that she’ll ever get
and in a magical moment
they exchange tears and smiles
and it’s just like they’re just two girls, period
and the traffic light juggler girl
watches as the dream goes other ways
never to realize
that a couple of crystals on the bridal gown
could buy her food for a couple of days
and the flying balls fall down…
(the fucking hypocrite who wrote this song
but never did a single thing…)
* * *
Rio, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
look at her
she’s throwing balls in the air
she’s not very good
but she could be worse at her age
this city is a circus
but who’s the clown here?
who’s the beast locked up in a cage?
you fear her you’d better do
what harm could a child do?
but her fear is bigger and it’s not of you
but of the eyes that watch in a distance
watching you too
you’re just passing by, acclimatized
but she has to stay
there’s no way out for her
only those that take her, stigmatized
to dark alleys and stinking rooms
better stay under the three way lights
like sad spotlights on an open stage
to a show no-one stays long enough to watch
then the bride passes by in a metal chariot
the closer to a fairy tale that she’ll ever get
and in a magical moment
they exchange tears and smiles
and it’s just like they’re just two girls, period
and the traffic light juggler girl
watches as the dream goes other ways
never to realize
that a couple of crystals on the bridal gown
could buy her food for a couple of days
and the flying balls fall down…
(the fucking hypocrite who wrote this song
but never did a single thing…)
* * *
exposed - from the middle
from the middle (by deav)
Rio, Abr 2003
(exposed)
never been in anybody’s hands like that
i hope you understand your delicate position
you become responsible for those you tame
but i don’t wanna talk about that now
but it’s also a choice i’m making
i’m fully aware of that
i’m scared but i’ll face this uncertain situation
the outcome will be as good
as i allow it to be
but i don’t wanna talk about that now
for now
just take my hand
take me to bed
let’s sleep embraced tonight
* * *
Rio, Abr 2003
(exposed)
never been in anybody’s hands like that
i hope you understand your delicate position
you become responsible for those you tame
but i don’t wanna talk about that now
but it’s also a choice i’m making
i’m fully aware of that
i’m scared but i’ll face this uncertain situation
the outcome will be as good
as i allow it to be
but i don’t wanna talk about that now
for now
just take my hand
take me to bed
let’s sleep embraced tonight
* * *
exposed - axis
axis (by deav)
Petrópolis, Abr 2003
(exposed)
i’m here
don’t know where i’ve been
everything i did
it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me
so many voices
pushing me through
unchosen paths
holding me down, holding me back
i got to find myself
i’m lost here
don’t know where i’m headed
please, not the way
the voices said, the voices said
you got to live in fear
you got to live in pain
you’ll go though life
unloved and unloving
i got to find myself
i’m just here
almost silence in my head
who’s speaking now?
is it me? is it me?
i’m not going anywhere
i’ll just sit here for a while
tuning my soul
till it coincides with
the axis of the world
i got to find myself…
* * *
Petrópolis, Abr 2003
(exposed)
i’m here
don’t know where i’ve been
everything i did
it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me
so many voices
pushing me through
unchosen paths
holding me down, holding me back
i got to find myself
i’m lost here
don’t know where i’m headed
please, not the way
the voices said, the voices said
you got to live in fear
you got to live in pain
you’ll go though life
unloved and unloving
i got to find myself
i’m just here
almost silence in my head
who’s speaking now?
is it me? is it me?
i’m not going anywhere
i’ll just sit here for a while
tuning my soul
till it coincides with
the axis of the world
i got to find myself…
* * *
the awakening - onironaut
onironaut (by deav)
Rio, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
do i wake up when i wake up?
is this real or just a bad, bad, bad dream?
it’s hard when you wish you could break the clock
and keep on dreaming
dream traveller…
i have the power here
i can conquer fear
i can be wild
i can have a child
i can love anyone i choose
and be loved in return
onironaut
how many lives i’ve lived
so many lives but mine
her i can decide
that everything turns out fine
dream traveller…
i have the power here…
i dream some day my stillness
in the real world will end
i’ll stop being tossed away
for i have a soul to mend
dream traveller…
i have the power here…
* * *
Rio, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
do i wake up when i wake up?
is this real or just a bad, bad, bad dream?
it’s hard when you wish you could break the clock
and keep on dreaming
dream traveller…
i have the power here
i can conquer fear
i can be wild
i can have a child
i can love anyone i choose
and be loved in return
onironaut
how many lives i’ve lived
so many lives but mine
her i can decide
that everything turns out fine
dream traveller…
i have the power here…
i dream some day my stillness
in the real world will end
i’ll stop being tossed away
for i have a soul to mend
dream traveller…
i have the power here…
* * *
exposed - not today
not today (by deav)
Rio, Abr 2003
(exposed)
the pain, the pain
it’s been there all day
though until now
i’ve lived my life in vain
i don’t want to die today
my life so far
has been sweetened with sweeter
always with that bitter taste in the end
i myself don’t understand why
i don’t want to die today
my body hurts all over
is it some cosmic joke?
when i’ve started to discover my own way
should the thread of life be broken?
no, i don’t want to die today
now that i started feeling?
now that i see some meaning?
now that i started singing?
now that my thoughts are spinning?
no, not today.
* * *
Rio, Abr 2003
(exposed)
the pain, the pain
it’s been there all day
though until now
i’ve lived my life in vain
i don’t want to die today
my life so far
has been sweetened with sweeter
always with that bitter taste in the end
i myself don’t understand why
i don’t want to die today
my body hurts all over
is it some cosmic joke?
when i’ve started to discover my own way
should the thread of life be broken?
no, i don’t want to die today
now that i started feeling?
now that i see some meaning?
now that i started singing?
now that my thoughts are spinning?
no, not today.
* * *
the awakening - answer
answer (by deav)
Porto de Galinhas, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
only now i got the message you left long ago
i hope there’s still time to go with you
i like to think
it was meant for me
see, i’m just taking a few things
just a towel and my slippers
i got extra money for the gas
i like to think
you wrote that song for me
for me…
they say i’m too old and all for that
i should know better
could it be more pathetic than that?
i don’t care i hope you don’t
i don’t want to be alone
if it’s still up
it’s a good chance i’d love to take
a good chance i’d love to take…
* * *
Porto de Galinhas, Abr 2003
(the awakening)
only now i got the message you left long ago
i hope there’s still time to go with you
i like to think
it was meant for me
see, i’m just taking a few things
just a towel and my slippers
i got extra money for the gas
i like to think
you wrote that song for me
for me…
they say i’m too old and all for that
i should know better
could it be more pathetic than that?
i don’t care i hope you don’t
i don’t want to be alone
if it’s still up
it’s a good chance i’d love to take
a good chance i’d love to take…
* * *
exposed - unblacken
unblacken (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
(exposed)
i heard your voice from afar
you sounded so sad
it made me cry
i cried for you, i cried for me
the pains are alike
the dark shade on the heart
i wish there could be light in your life
i wish i could be there by your side
wish you could know me
but you never will
i’m sending light waves
can you fell?
i see your face from afar
now you look quite well
it makes me smile
i smile for you, i smile for me
the relief is alike
the shades raised from the heart
i wish by now there’s light in your life
i wish i could be there by your side
wish you could know me
ah, but you never, never will
i’m sending love waves, anyway
can you fell?
feel kissed on the soul…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
(exposed)
i heard your voice from afar
you sounded so sad
it made me cry
i cried for you, i cried for me
the pains are alike
the dark shade on the heart
i wish there could be light in your life
i wish i could be there by your side
wish you could know me
but you never will
i’m sending light waves
can you fell?
i see your face from afar
now you look quite well
it makes me smile
i smile for you, i smile for me
the relief is alike
the shades raised from the heart
i wish by now there’s light in your life
i wish i could be there by your side
wish you could know me
ah, but you never, never will
i’m sending love waves, anyway
can you fell?
feel kissed on the soul…
* * *
the awakening - vilify
vilify (by deav)
Rio, Mar - Abr 2003)
(the awakening)
bring it on
it’s not that i am strong
i know you’re gonna come anyway
go on
your work is almost done
i know you’ve spared me some
more bad things
my face is on the ground
i guess i can’t go deeper than this
what are you waiting for
the final strike’s the sweeter
i won’t resist
vilify me, you can’t satisfy me
mystify me, you can’t simplify me
come on, you just can’t deny me
the look on your face
when you’re finished with me
and i smile … back, smile… back
can’t you see, you can smash me
but not what i am
i’m a child of the stars
you can grind me
but my essence will rise
i’ll rise!
* * *
Rio, Mar - Abr 2003)
(the awakening)
bring it on
it’s not that i am strong
i know you’re gonna come anyway
go on
your work is almost done
i know you’ve spared me some
more bad things
my face is on the ground
i guess i can’t go deeper than this
what are you waiting for
the final strike’s the sweeter
i won’t resist
vilify me, you can’t satisfy me
mystify me, you can’t simplify me
come on, you just can’t deny me
the look on your face
when you’re finished with me
and i smile … back, smile… back
can’t you see, you can smash me
but not what i am
i’m a child of the stars
you can grind me
but my essence will rise
i’ll rise!
* * *
harvest (?) - blossom
blossom (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
(harvest?)
hey, baby
i guess it’s been so long since we last met
maybe this time will be better
so let’s just hope for the best
i think i’ll never be
ready enough for you
through time i know i haven’t been
good enough for you
‘cause i know everything
i don’t know anything
there’re too many layers to burn
before i can unwrap my soul
i know everything
i don’t know anything
there’re too many pulled strings to cut
before i can untie my soul
hey, baby
the seed of love‘s been sown
let it blossom
maybe this life
will be a good past life for the next
(who knows)
i think i’ll never be ….
‘cause i know everything ….
be welcome
i’m here
with arms wide open…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
(harvest?)
hey, baby
i guess it’s been so long since we last met
maybe this time will be better
so let’s just hope for the best
i think i’ll never be
ready enough for you
through time i know i haven’t been
good enough for you
‘cause i know everything
i don’t know anything
there’re too many layers to burn
before i can unwrap my soul
i know everything
i don’t know anything
there’re too many pulled strings to cut
before i can untie my soul
hey, baby
the seed of love‘s been sown
let it blossom
maybe this life
will be a good past life for the next
(who knows)
i think i’ll never be ….
‘cause i know everything ….
be welcome
i’m here
with arms wide open…
* * *
the awakening - march 2003
___/____/____ (march 2003) (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
(the awakening)
and the world’s at war again…
my daddy says the stupid ones
do stupid things three times in a roll
before they understand
either there’re too many stupid ones
or their stupidity can’t have an end
so the world’s at war again…
children will get motherless again
and die alone
flowers will be stepped upon the battle field
and be soaked up with tears and blood
exchanging human lives and souls
for little drops of black gold
so i ask, why?
we’re all together on the same old blue balloon
floating in the endless space
there’s nowhere else to escape
so the world’s at war again…
while they drop the bombs from high above
they cannot see the enemy’s eyes
‘cause if only they could
they’d see beyond the color of the skin
and the way he worships god
that he’s just another man
a brother in the universal home
so i ask, why?
we’re all together on the same old blue balloon
floating in the endless space
there’s nowhere else to escape
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
(the awakening)
and the world’s at war again…
my daddy says the stupid ones
do stupid things three times in a roll
before they understand
either there’re too many stupid ones
or their stupidity can’t have an end
so the world’s at war again…
children will get motherless again
and die alone
flowers will be stepped upon the battle field
and be soaked up with tears and blood
exchanging human lives and souls
for little drops of black gold
so i ask, why?
we’re all together on the same old blue balloon
floating in the endless space
there’s nowhere else to escape
so the world’s at war again…
while they drop the bombs from high above
they cannot see the enemy’s eyes
‘cause if only they could
they’d see beyond the color of the skin
and the way he worships god
that he’s just another man
a brother in the universal home
so i ask, why?
we’re all together on the same old blue balloon
floating in the endless space
there’s nowhere else to escape
* * *
exposed - measure love
measure love (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
exposed
if … you…cared
you could see by my swollen eyes
i’ve been crying
crying all night
if you cared
you’d realize i’ve been crying
over no-one else but you, that’s right
but i know, i’m sure
you couldn’t care less than you already do
you said i didn’t love you enough
‘cause i didn’t grab my heart out
to give it to you
you said i didn’t love you enough
‘cause i didn’t grab my soul off
to give it to you
but how do you measure love?
how do you measure love?
by inches, by grams?
or by the amount of pain
that’s left behind when love is gone?
if it’s so, if it’s so, if it’s so
i guess i loved too much
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
exposed
if … you…cared
you could see by my swollen eyes
i’ve been crying
crying all night
if you cared
you’d realize i’ve been crying
over no-one else but you, that’s right
but i know, i’m sure
you couldn’t care less than you already do
you said i didn’t love you enough
‘cause i didn’t grab my heart out
to give it to you
you said i didn’t love you enough
‘cause i didn’t grab my soul off
to give it to you
but how do you measure love?
how do you measure love?
by inches, by grams?
or by the amount of pain
that’s left behind when love is gone?
if it’s so, if it’s so, if it’s so
i guess i loved too much
* * *
Thursday, August 05, 2004
harvest (?) - mirror
mirror (by deav)
Rio, Jul 2004
(harvest ?)
boy’s thinking about
what it is to be aging
he asks grandma, she says
it’s like being eighteen
in a body that’s decaying
(boy thinks to himself)
she must be losing her mind
it can’t be like that
i don’t believe it
but years from now
he sees his face in the mirror
and says to himself
i know what you mean…
father’s talking about
the end of the party
what comes next doesn’t matter
and how the choices you’ve made
make you a slave
like sleepwalking
(daughter thinks to herself)
he must be losing his mind
it can’t be like that
i will be different
but years from now
she sees her face in the mirror
and says to herself
i know what you mean…
baby’s talking about
when she carried her dad
in her arms
daddy laughs to himself
dad is too big for you
it’s the other way around
(daddy thinks to himself)
she must be playing my mind
it can’t be like that
i don’t believe it
but years from now
he sees his face in the mirror
and says to himself
i know what you mean…
Rio, Jul 2004
(harvest ?)
boy’s thinking about
what it is to be aging
he asks grandma, she says
it’s like being eighteen
in a body that’s decaying
(boy thinks to himself)
she must be losing her mind
it can’t be like that
i don’t believe it
but years from now
he sees his face in the mirror
and says to himself
i know what you mean…
father’s talking about
the end of the party
what comes next doesn’t matter
and how the choices you’ve made
make you a slave
like sleepwalking
(daughter thinks to herself)
he must be losing his mind
it can’t be like that
i will be different
but years from now
she sees her face in the mirror
and says to herself
i know what you mean…
baby’s talking about
when she carried her dad
in her arms
daddy laughs to himself
dad is too big for you
it’s the other way around
(daddy thinks to himself)
she must be playing my mind
it can’t be like that
i don’t believe it
but years from now
he sees his face in the mirror
and says to himself
i know what you mean…
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
changes
things keep on changing. i just decided to get loose and go with the flow. perhaps i got too loose, because now i can't get myself to do the things i have to do. "buried in piles of paper, cuffed to my chair". i should be working right now, although it's actually almost 7 p.m. here.
this emotional whirlwind is good for writing songs, though. the melodies have been coming to me first, but the words are not so easy to be born.
i'm just exausted.
even though there are hundreds of people a couple of clicks away, the profiles seem to keep me away from them, and them from me. either they're too young, or too old, or unatractive somehow, and, bottomline, everyone is judging everyone, enhancing the sense of isolation.
como diria minha amiga Ju, "como é difícil lidar com os humanos..."
whatever.
this emotional whirlwind is good for writing songs, though. the melodies have been coming to me first, but the words are not so easy to be born.
i'm just exausted.
even though there are hundreds of people a couple of clicks away, the profiles seem to keep me away from them, and them from me. either they're too young, or too old, or unatractive somehow, and, bottomline, everyone is judging everyone, enhancing the sense of isolation.
como diria minha amiga Ju, "como é difícil lidar com os humanos..."
whatever.
Monday, July 26, 2004
piercing - epilogue
i hope it's the last entry about this subject. i managed to see another doctor, a dermathologist, that same day; she confirmed the infection and, as the anaesthesia had no effect, she cleansed my ear in cold blood, squeezing and taking the suppurated material with nippers; i felt like William Wallace under torture. wide range antibiotics, anti-allergics (i have a feeling this word is all wrong), an ointment, i could finally sleep, the pain is gone, i have my ear back. she said i may be allergic to the pigment in the tattoo paints (not mentioning the contamination of the paint, sometimes people use the same tube for many clients...), so i may never have a tattoo, too. that's sad, they're an important part of my transformation in myself. whatever. anyway, i'm not feeling an outcast: 90% of the piercings go wrong. a tribe to belong to, the "absolute non-pierced".
Thursday, July 22, 2004
piercing III
apart from being really stupid , now i find time to feel freaking scared. the doctor said that i have go on antibiotics (because my ear is red and it has a big blister, what indicates the presence of infection by bacteria) or my ear will necrosate (and i don't know if this verb exists in english), meaning rot and i don't trust her because she was really mean and unsimpathetic, and i'm trying to see another doctor, oh-my-mother-earth-what-the-fuck-i-have-done. all i wanted was this little ornament in my ear. fuck.
piercing II
well, i had to take the piercing off. it turned out that i had a strong reaction to the nikel in the metal alloy (although it was surgical steel), my body would keep on trying to expel the jewel, and i would keep on being in rather unbearable pain. if i decide to try again, it'll take three months, a titanium jewel, and a lot of getting over the trauma of three days of endless pain. i wonder what lesson i'm supposed to learn from this (taking into account that i believe that everything that happens to me, good or bad, somehow i deserve). all i can think about (apart from the fact that i'm allergic to nikel) is, well, it's hard to become what you are, it's hard to make your outside match your inside. also, i have this way of making things the hard way, this pattern, this mental and emotional program that lead me to make things difficult for myself, in every level of existence, and then cry out "oh, WHY ? it's so unfair!", so drama queen i can hardly stand myself. i want to stop making things more difficult than they're supposed to be. i want to break the pattern. i want to be free. i want to write the music that comes through me. i want to be happy. as every child of the stars is meant to be.
Monday, July 19, 2004
piercing
i had my left ear pierced last saturday. according to my three-day rule (my body reacts to antigens three days after the exposure), the reaction to this strange object in my body started today. it hurts like hell! i'm under painkillers right now. my ear is almost purple and rather swollen; no disgusting fluids, thanks to the Goddess. working was hard today, i tried vulcan meditation (the mind is stronger than the pain), but the mind was not working well today. no regrets, though (yet...), i hope the bad part passes soon. i wonder what part of the energy meridian i'm blocking or stimulating. i hope everything is ok. the next step is the tatoo.
Friday, July 16, 2004
para Ju
estou escrevendo em português especialmente pra você. fiquei feliz de ver o seu blog. pra mim está sendo uma experiência ótima, espero que seja pra você também. deixe comentários sobre minhas letras, posso até traduzir algumas pra você. :)
Monday, July 12, 2004
kimboxes em festa!!!
aêêêêêêêê!!!!!!!!!!! alegria geral na taba da tribo dos kimboxes!!! é aniversário do cacique!!! parabéns, tio Mauro, tudo de bom!!! seja feliz!!! é o que deseja aquela que, como vocês aí, tenta não se afogar no mar de rostos... Bjs. Dea.
harvest (?)
harvest is the third album-to-be by portal. the setlist is not defined yet, that's why there's a question mark. it's also a phase i'm going through, but it's about things that didn't happen yet (not in this life) or may happen in the future. do i make myself clear?
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
harvest (?) - jukebox (jazzy mood)
jukebox (jazzy mood) (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
harvest (?)
i’d rather have felt your hair
touched your skin
kissed your lips
than go through life without this
now we may go our separate ways
lonesome ways
opposed ways
but once we walked hand in hand
why do people meet on the earth
this huge ballroom
share a stealthy dance
and than spin away too soon
no, i don’t regret the past
eventually i may forget
hope i can dance once again
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
harvest (?)
i’d rather have felt your hair
touched your skin
kissed your lips
than go through life without this
now we may go our separate ways
lonesome ways
opposed ways
but once we walked hand in hand
why do people meet on the earth
this huge ballroom
share a stealthy dance
and than spin away too soon
no, i don’t regret the past
eventually i may forget
hope i can dance once again
* * *
the awakening - secret well
secret well (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
i’m not here
what you see is just an empty shell
i may seem to breathe
i pretend to see and hear so well
but i am my soul
far away from here
bathing in water, light or air
feeling crystal clear
i emerge in a secret well
it stands where i rest between lives
a little creek leaps
soft green grass to lie upon
i thought of this just now
maybe a place to call home
but it’s time to go back
the call of the world is low but strong
i yearn for rest
but they say i have to go on…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
i’m not here
what you see is just an empty shell
i may seem to breathe
i pretend to see and hear so well
but i am my soul
far away from here
bathing in water, light or air
feeling crystal clear
i emerge in a secret well
it stands where i rest between lives
a little creek leaps
soft green grass to lie upon
i thought of this just now
maybe a place to call home
but it’s time to go back
the call of the world is low but strong
i yearn for rest
but they say i have to go on…
* * *
the awakening - methodic learning
methodic learning (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
speechless
loathing
locked up inside for too much time
the body ain’t moving
the mind is bursting, burning out
i wanna outta here
i wanna outta here
i wanna outta here
or else i’ll start to …… (shout)
restless
steaming
so much to do, so little time
the body is shaking
the mind is splashing all around
I wanna outta here…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
speechless
loathing
locked up inside for too much time
the body ain’t moving
the mind is bursting, burning out
i wanna outta here
i wanna outta here
i wanna outta here
or else i’ll start to …… (shout)
restless
steaming
so much to do, so little time
the body is shaking
the mind is splashing all around
I wanna outta here…
* * *
the awakening - warrior song
warrior song (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
walking dizzy through the mist
the world on my shoulder weighing
stumbling over the fallen, amidst
blood and sweat, so sickening
yet it used to be easier
allies and enemies so well known
sure of nothing else but this
wounds would scar, you’d never die alone
time has passed, back i’m here
heads don’t roll, but hearts get crushed
in these strange, modern wars, nothing’s clear
of mind games i don’t know much
wounds don’t scar so easy, now
friends from enemies i know just some
sure of nothing else but this
i am bound to live and die alone…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
walking dizzy through the mist
the world on my shoulder weighing
stumbling over the fallen, amidst
blood and sweat, so sickening
yet it used to be easier
allies and enemies so well known
sure of nothing else but this
wounds would scar, you’d never die alone
time has passed, back i’m here
heads don’t roll, but hearts get crushed
in these strange, modern wars, nothing’s clear
of mind games i don’t know much
wounds don’t scar so easy, now
friends from enemies i know just some
sure of nothing else but this
i am bound to live and die alone…
* * *
the awakening - superboy
superboy (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2002- Mar 2003)
the awakening
hey, superboy
show me your smile
make me feel good for a while
hey, superboy
save my day
look right through me with your x-ray eyes
there’s so much i need to say
but it isn’t getting any easier
help me out here
help me, fly me away from here
oh, break my kryptonite heart
pull me through these lonesome ways
hey, superboy
lift me up high
ease the burden of all my yesterdays
there’s so much i need to do yet
but i ain’t getting any younger
run at light speed
don’t you turn away from me…
all right…
bye, superboy
go and save the world, now
though you’re a hero
you’re not enough for me somehow
bye, baby boy
this is the end, well
i’m no fucking hero, but
i guess i’ll have to save myself
* * *
Rio, Dez 2002- Mar 2003)
the awakening
hey, superboy
show me your smile
make me feel good for a while
hey, superboy
save my day
look right through me with your x-ray eyes
there’s so much i need to say
but it isn’t getting any easier
help me out here
help me, fly me away from here
oh, break my kryptonite heart
pull me through these lonesome ways
hey, superboy
lift me up high
ease the burden of all my yesterdays
there’s so much i need to do yet
but i ain’t getting any younger
run at light speed
don’t you turn away from me…
all right…
bye, superboy
go and save the world, now
though you’re a hero
you’re not enough for me somehow
bye, baby boy
this is the end, well
i’m no fucking hero, but
i guess i’ll have to save myself
* * *
the awakening - thirst
thirst (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
drowning in a sea of faces
hardly keep my head above the surface
dreams of open spaces
dreams of lands where i can rest (stand)
surrounded by the treasures gathered
through the battles of existence
though i drink from wells of wisdom
never seem to quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
bluff with queens of hearts and aces
playing games that i can’t understand
dreams of balms of holy graces
wooden tree house by the sand
surrounded by the hearts i’ve conquered
through the dances of the souls
drink from chalices of freedom
never seem to quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
angels have no answers
promise keepers swear the oaths they mean to break
so i keep the search
till the day that i'm awake
i carry right ahead a chandelier or hows and whys
and a backpack full or tears and smiles
and songs i write …
till I find fountains of true love
maybe finally quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
* * *
Rio, Mar 2003
the awakening
drowning in a sea of faces
hardly keep my head above the surface
dreams of open spaces
dreams of lands where i can rest (stand)
surrounded by the treasures gathered
through the battles of existence
though i drink from wells of wisdom
never seem to quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
bluff with queens of hearts and aces
playing games that i can’t understand
dreams of balms of holy graces
wooden tree house by the sand
surrounded by the hearts i’ve conquered
through the dances of the souls
drink from chalices of freedom
never seem to quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
angels have no answers
promise keepers swear the oaths they mean to break
so i keep the search
till the day that i'm awake
i carry right ahead a chandelier or hows and whys
and a backpack full or tears and smiles
and songs i write …
till I find fountains of true love
maybe finally quench the thirst
i keep on searching…
* * *
lyrics #2
well, i guess the best way to publish my lyrics is one by one. i tried editing the lyrics post to include more songs, but i never get the blog thoroughly updated. maybe one by one will be better, i can find lyrics by the title. i'll think it over.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
messing up
man!!??!! one of those days you wish you had stayed in bed! family... no matter how old you are, if you pay your own bills, if you live miles away, this energy, this scent, it reaches you and makes you feel down, all that crap you grew up with comes back to haunt you... fuck! and work... days like these make you feel like you were caught in the middle of a spider web, this net of litlle powers layered upon each other, and you just want to fucking work to earn the devil's gold that i'll keep you alive at some level of decency. why on earth should your computer freeze just when you need it the most, in a day like this? i need boxing classes! know for how long i've been trying to publish this very post? aaarrrrgggghhhhh! (sorry for the bad language)
Friday, July 02, 2004
lyrics
i decided to publish some of the lyrics of the songs i wrote. i resumed writing songs on a regular basis about a year ago. i call it the awakening, this phase i went through (also the title of the first album-to-be by portal): end of a long term relationship, the most public drunk shame, new job, new friends, new post graduation, new looks ... there's a second album-to-be already planned: exposed , which is exactly the phase i'm going through by now. i haven't decided if the lyrics will be organized by album or in cronological order of creation, i'll make it up as i go along.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
read first
i'm working on a read first message about author's rights concerning the lyrics of my songs and trying to learn how to insert it into the blog, as a link or something (i live in a self-imposed digital exile, so this is my first experience on the net). it'll take some time because i'm really busy, so this is a preview:
portal is the name i chose for my band-to-be; i searched the net some time ago, there were not many portals, and just one brazilian band called portal do sol or something like that and they did axe music or pagode, nothing like i intend for my band (which is rock, by the way, something between dave matthews band and korn, passing through pearl jam ... whatever). please, don't use it!
my lyrics are protected by author's right (droit d'auteur), which is the system of legal protection in civil law countries which subscribed the union convention of berna (1886), according to which the act of registration is declarative of the existing right.
my lyrics, although not registered in any national or international organization of property rights, are also protected by copyright, which is the system of legal protection in common-law countries which subscribed the universal convention, according to which the act of registration (since 1976) is also declarative, not constitutive, of the existing right.
all this means that the lyrics were written by me and cannot be used for commercial purposes without my authorization and the due payment of royalties.
if you want to use them, ask me!
if you want to quote them, make a reference to the source (after all, that's what quoting means...)!
please, don't abuse them (i'll sue you)!
portal is the name i chose for my band-to-be; i searched the net some time ago, there were not many portals, and just one brazilian band called portal do sol or something like that and they did axe music or pagode, nothing like i intend for my band (which is rock, by the way, something between dave matthews band and korn, passing through pearl jam ... whatever). please, don't use it!
my lyrics are protected by author's right (droit d'auteur), which is the system of legal protection in civil law countries which subscribed the union convention of berna (1886), according to which the act of registration is declarative of the existing right.
my lyrics, although not registered in any national or international organization of property rights, are also protected by copyright, which is the system of legal protection in common-law countries which subscribed the universal convention, according to which the act of registration (since 1976) is also declarative, not constitutive, of the existing right.
all this means that the lyrics were written by me and cannot be used for commercial purposes without my authorization and the due payment of royalties.
if you want to use them, ask me!
if you want to quote them, make a reference to the source (after all, that's what quoting means...)!
please, don't abuse them (i'll sue you)!
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
addiction
after you get the first sting, you're addicted, so they say. i guess that's true. i guess that's exactly what i needed, something to look forward to, something to give me the pleasure of antecipation, something to help me through july. that's good when the aching is deep, but the surface must remain undefiled. thank you.
p.s. I: this is not meant as apology of legal or illegal drugs; there are endogenous drugs that can be produced by our own mind; careful, though; they're as much as powerful, and can be as much as devastating...
p.s. II: i guess that's another extended pms.
p.s. I: this is not meant as apology of legal or illegal drugs; there are endogenous drugs that can be produced by our own mind; careful, though; they're as much as powerful, and can be as much as devastating...
p.s. II: i guess that's another extended pms.
learning
only now i learned that i had to enable the due option to allow comments. i think i just did that, so feel free to comment on this post, the ones before and all the ones that follow. be honest, but kind ;)
rebirth
newly born and changed already. to get more like myself. been changing so fast for so long that i'm exausted. guess i'll never stop spinning. the only unchangeable thing in the universe is change itself, says the wiseman... there's no such thing as eternal rest. eternal movement made of spirals of time that toss you around, and, now and then, allow you short pauses, to share a kiss, eat a piece of chocolate, write a song, shed a tear. my pause is over for now.
Monday, June 28, 2004
the beginning
so, i've gone public ... sudden block out ... exposure is hard.
i hope i'll get used to speaking out, that's a good first step if i intend to sing out very shortly.
i'll take my time (though it's getting shorter by the hour...); maybe bring my songs in...
that's all i can do for now.
i hope i'll get used to speaking out, that's a good first step if i intend to sing out very shortly.
i'll take my time (though it's getting shorter by the hour...); maybe bring my songs in...
that's all i can do for now.
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