(?) - lonely

lonely (by deav)
Rio, Ago 2003 - Mai-Ago 2004 (?)

space measured by time
time measured by how i feel
time passes differently to each one
i believe

drag my big heart around
(it) doesn’t fit in the subway
it shatters, you should see
beautifully

it’s nonsense, i know
but let me imagine you
through all the lonely nights
sad, as it may be, it’s true
the countless times
that i’ve made love to you
without you here

the silly things we do
to fill the hole inside
they’re not enough to wash
away the fear

one eye green, one eye blue
i made it hard to find
i sabotage myself
pathetically

it’s hopeless, i know
but let me treasure you
for just a little while
strange as it may be, it’s true
when things are crumbling down
it only takes the thought of you…

* * *

(?) - butterfly effect

butterfly effect (by deav)
Rio, Jul-Ago 2004 (?)

we become the choices we make
but we never care much
‘bout the promises we break

and as for the road we take
we can’t help wondering
‘bout the road not taken

when everything sounds like an omen
we get frozen
scared of the next step

the more we try
to avoid the consequences
the more we become
the agents of our own fate

what do we do?
who can i turn to
if the pain is self inflicted
and i’m the only one to blame?

where can we go?
what does the future keep?
if tomorrow doesn’t come
until it becomes today?

skeletons we keep in the closet
come back to haunt us
lurking around our soul

and as for the sins we overlook
sooner or later
evil collects its toll
what do we do ? …

* * *

i will be beaten

so now i discover that writing in lower case is bad... after all the work of deliberately taking the upper case format from all the "i"... . maybe i can be excused for taking the liberty, because i'm not a native speaker (though that's not really the reason why i do it). does it really bother anyone (else)? sorry, but that's my way. the web is supposed to be a democratic forum, where freedom of speech and expression can be put into practice. there are worse things to worry about on the net, things that can be harmful to people's minds and spirits. but the question is, who sets the rules? who controls the controller ? i believe there's a common sense, a sense of what is good, that is above all the differences. this sense tells me, that "lower case x upper case" issue is too small to bother. but i bothered to write about it, so let me be beaten. for that.

ufa !

i finished posting my lyrics today, finally. feels a little like delivering a child (though i've never gone through the experience in this life) ... now they're out there. looking forward to writing the next forty. it seems like they're not as many as they should be considering the time it took me to write them. but they mean a lot, they're parts of me, layers of skin.

(?) - barely living

barely living (by deav)
Rio, Jul 2004 (?)

wake up, the clock is ringing
stand up, the room is spinning
back down,
it’s there, but i can’t see the sun

eight minutes more, the clock
is snoozing, i get up again
eyes blurred,
i stand up and just stumble on

i can’t see my face,
hidden by scrambled hair
in sleepy confusion,
yawning, i mumble
i’m barely living

one hour to get ready
and leave, twenty minutes to get there
where i am, yet i am not

feel like a ghost, a lost soul
things flow like in slow motion
feel like a fish inside a water bowl

night falls, all the way back
knowing tomorrow will be
the same,
head on the pillow i wonder
i’m barely living

* * *