i asked for you...

i asked for you… (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2005
(just lyrics)

like noodles, for tomato sauce
like a wagon, for a horse

like breakfast, for orange juice
like fighting enemies, for a truce

like ham, for scrambled eggs
like mini skirt, for long legs

like rice, for black beans
like sunglasses, for sunbeams

like coffee, for a sugar spoon
like midnight asks for noon

like fruit ask to be ripe
like handwriting, to be typed

like blue skies, for white clouds
like the silent, for crying out loud

like a sunset, for an eye
like a drunk man, for the rye

like a dark night, for the moon
like never asks for soon

like the dawn asks for the morn
like the draught asks for a storm

like the ocean, for a shore
like the shallow, for a core

like a boat, for the adrift
like the current, for a shift

like the wave asks for the tide
like a secret, no more hide

like the fire asks for wood
like the wet hair, for a hood

like a curtain, for a breeze
like a lemon, for a squeeze

like a room asks for a view
like the old, to be new

like a cat asks for milk
like a princess, for the silk

like the bear asks for a cave
like the beard asks for a shave

like a flower, for a bee
like the blind man, to see

like a football, for a kick
like the remedy, for the sick

like the aim asks for an arrow
like the wire, for the sparrow

like garbage, for a trash can
like the fallen one, for a hand

like clutter asks for a box
like cold feet, for socks

like a cigarette, for a lighter
like boxing gloves, for a fighter

like a lamp, to be switched on
like a wanderer, to get home

like a clock asks for the wind
like thoughts ask for the mind

like a mail box, for letters
like the clueless, for what matters

like the wreck asks for the mend
like confusion, to understand

like chains, to be unlocked
like doors, to be unlocked

like the soap, for the bubble
like the bully asks for trouble

like the needle, for the sew
like the devil, for the soul

like a book asks for a reader
like the cattle for a breeder

like the story, for a teller
like the merchandise, for a seller

like a poem, for a rhyme
like the seasoning, for thyme

like a sentence, for a verb
like hot water, for the herb

like paper, for a pen
like nine asks for ten

like a guitar asks for Mike
like a crooner, for a mic

like feet ask for a dance
like fact, for circumstance

like the heart asks for a pace
like the gambler, for a race

like the skin asks for a touch
like little asks for much

like the nose, for a sweet scent
like desire, for consent

like the ear, for a song
like the old, to be young

like the tongue asks for taste
like impatience asks for haste

like lips ask for a kiss
like the dreamer asks for bliss

like tears ask to be cried
like tears ask to be dried

like a finger, for a ring
like nothing, for anything

like arms, for an embrace
like a bride asks for lace

like a womb asks for a child
like a beast asks to be wild

like the thirsty one, for quench
like the rope asks for a wrench

like the hungry, for a meal
like illusion, to be real

like the tired asks for rest
like the bird asks for a nest

like the lost, to be found
like the square, to be round

like the crawler, to grow wings
like winter asks for spring

like the pupil, for education
like the doubt, for explanation

like the prisoner, for freedom
like the acolyte for wisdom

like the madman asks for peace
like the aunt asks for a niece

like the vampire asks for blood
like the stream, for the flood

like a poet, for a muse,
like the tool, for some use

like the dead ask for rebirth
like the aliens, for the earth

like an angel, to be human
like a girl, to be a woman

like a lover, to be loved back
like a necklace, for a neck

like a problem, for solution
like the innocent, for absolution

like the pain asks to cease
like the sufferer, for release

like darkness asks for light
like wrong asks to be right

like the hopeless asks for hope
like a loser, for a way to cope

like a mistake, for forgiveness
like the bitter, for sweetness

like sadness, for a laughter
like now asks for after

like the lie asks to be true
that’s how i asked for you…

* * *

bad news

well, i had one of the most humiliating days at work today. my boss associated my low productivity at work to my constant visits to the internet. although he knows about my current situation, the depression, the panic attacks, the medical leave a couple of months ago, and in spite of my explanation, that the internet is not the cause of my low performance, but an attempt to solve the problem, by having somewhere to go to when my head refuses to think, he asked if i wanted to keep on working in the department, if my doctor could arrange another leave (the answer to that being, not now, that i`m getting better... ironic) and if i could compromise with some date to improve my performance. as if i could predict when i`ll be feeling well... so, no more internet at work. that means no internet ever, because i still don`t have a computer at home. maybe a couple of times a week, at the mall, like right now. together with all the shit i`ve been getting lately, i find myself again in this pathetic situation, that seems to be this unbreakable pattern in my life, no matter how hard i try to delete it. and, believe, i try. and succeed, specially in the last couple of years. only i`m too tired this time, as i`ve never been before. with all the good things that i had the chance to enjoy, i guess now happiness only makes it hurt more...

(?) - puppet of fate

puppet of fate (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2005
(just lyrics)

life has a funny way
of teaching you, making you smart
life has this wicked way
of making you lose from the start

right when you’re feeling high
life will try to bring you low
a happy moment, a sigh
you know, will have to go

life demands you to give
but it’s not very good at giving
if to hope is to almost live
then i guess i’m almost living

life has its cruel ways
if it wants you alone
it makes sure no friend stays
you look around and they’re gone

life invites to a waiting room
i sit and watch from the outside
my tears will stop to flow soon
as i wait for the next tide

hide my tears, hold back the shout
though it’s hard, i understand
i’ll be here reaching out
till life offers a helping hand

but i may play on life a trick
if it reaches out too late
i may jump out, for i’m sick
of being a puppet of fate

* * *

wave song

wave song (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2005
(just lyrics)

i was flowing with the tides
the full moon shining above
as i washed upon the shore
you weren't there anymore

i watched you turn away
as i reached out for your heart
now weak, i fear the stone
my love has proved me wrong

i am dark, you chose the light
i'm too deep, you chose to float
i am death, you chose to live
what to you i cannot give

though your tears are part of me
you dive in another stream
faster the earth should spin
to spill me out into nothing

for i wish to stop the flow
go deep, forget the shore
for the moon i cannot bear
at the star i cannot stare

let me dry without you...

* * *

for an angel - last song

last song (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2005
(for an angel – just lyrics)

well… the moment i’ve feared the most
has finally met me half-way
the wise man spoke the truth
now i hear, on the floor where i lay

i can’t deny, i saw it coming
but it don’t make it hurt any less
i wonder, will i find a way
to live again in hopelessness?

what do i do with the empty nights?
what do i do with the dreamless sleep?
how do i bring to darkness the light?
how do i dry the tears that i weep?

this is the last song
that i’ll write about you
though i may be wrong
that’s all i can do
for now…

while life happens all around
i sit here naked and numb
i can’t believe, it’s just too soon
what else could i have done?

it’s ironic, i can tell
that the time i used to fight
will be the only help for me
maybe again i’ll see the light

what do i do with the scream in my throat?
what do i do with the will not to be?
how do i sip from this sea where i float?
how do i fix this wreck that is me?

this was the last song
that i wrote about you
it’s such an ugly song
but that’s all i can do
for now…

* * *

the right setlist

b>Set: Long Road, Las Exit, Animal, Do The Evolution, Green Disease, Jeremy, Grievance, Cropduster, Even Flow, Betterman, State Of Love And Trust, Daughter, Habit, Given To Fly, Immortality, Save You, Rearviewmirror
Encore 1: I Got Shit, Crazy Mary, I Believe In Miracles (w/Marky Ramone), Alive
Encore 2: Elderly Woman, Corduroy, Blood, Baba O'Riley, Yellow Ledbetter

the floor - a journey through heaven and hell - prologue

tô em Poa. o show ontem foi uma loucura. fiquei na grade (tô cheia de hematomas nos braços e no peito), vi tudo tão de perto que é surreal. por incrível que pareça a ficha ainda não caiu totalmente. não chorei durante o show, parecia que eu estava anestesiada. às vezes ficava de boca aberta olhando pro Ed. às vezes pulava que nem uma doida, nem ligando que tinha um ou dois caras me sarrando o tempo todo . agora as lembranças vêm chegando de vez em quando e eu choro. muito esquisito. foram 2:40 de show. o Stone usou a camiseta do Restless Souls!surreal, por enquanto é o que eu posso dizer. não consigo lembrar a ordem do setlist, é estranho. mas tenho certeza de que eles abriram com Long Road! então, o que me lembro (alguém completa se lembrar):
long road
even flow
animal
habit
given to fly
i got shit
daughter
betterman
cropduster
save you
blood
rvm
crazy mary (o André foi o primeiro a beber o vinho!)
solat
immortality
corduroy
grievance
alive (no encore)
jeremy
small town
(no encore)
i believe in miracles (com Marki Ramone na bateria!)
baba o'riley
yellow ledbetter
estou indo hoje pra Curitiba. amanhã tem mais. i'm still alive!

* * *

i'm in Poa. the show yesterday was crazy. i was in the rail (i'm full of bruises in the arms and the chest), i saw everything so of close that it's surreal. as strange as it may seem, the token has not dropped completely yet. i did not cry during the show, i was numb. sometimes i was looking at Ed with my mouth open . sometimes i jumped like crazy, regardless to the fact that one or two guys were rubbing me allthe time :))) now the memories come every now and then and i cry. it was a 2:40 hour show. Stone wore the t-shirt of the Restless Souls! surreal, for the time being it is what i can say. i can't remember the order of setlist, it's strange but i am certain of that they opened with Long Road! then, what i remember (somebody complete it if remember):

long road
even flow
animal
habit
given to fly
i got shit
daughter
betterman
cropduster
save you
blood
rvm
crazy mary (André - Restless Souls was the first to drink the wine!)
solat
immortality
corduroy
grievance
alive (no encore)
jeremy
small town
(no encore)
i believe in miracles (with Marki Ramone on drums!)
baba o'riley
yellow ledbetter

i'm going to Curitiba today . there's more tomorrow . i'm still alive!

for an angel - crazy # 5

crazy # 5 (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
(for an angel – just lyrics)

i’m so happy
why i cry
every time
i hear you play?

if i’m happy
why i weep
every night
before i sleep?

when i’m happy
why i scream
if you come
into my dream?

i’m so crazy
am i glad
or am i sad?
don’t know…

if i’m so sad
why i laugh
every time
i hear you sing?

and if i’m sad
why i smile
every day
when i wake?

and i’m so sad
why enjoy
every line
of your chord?

i’m so crazy
am i sad
or am i glad ?
don’t know…

* * *

for an angel - more

more (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
(for an angel – just lyrics)

a thousand songs
yet i long
for the songs i can’t hear

a million words
yet i long
for the ones left unsaid

so much i know
but it’s
what i don’t know that i fear

so much i feel
yet i long
for what’s hiding in your head

more, more
i wanna read the line you scratched out
more, more
behind the silence i wanna hear the shout

more, more
the more i reach up the more i fall
more, more
though in the end i may lose it all

* * *

for an angel - crazy # 4

crazy # 4 ( by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel

crazy, crazy
you drive me crazy
the way you come
the way you don't
just let me go
i have to work but i'm so
lazy, lazy
i feel so lazy

you play this wicked song
i fall under your spell
there is no right or wrong
i think i'll burn in hell

then i begin to strip
but i'm already naked
and though i try to hide
i know that i can't fake it

crazy, crazy
you drive me crazy
the way you say
the way you don't
please, let me go
i try to see but all is
hazy, hazy
my mind is hazy

one cigarette's not enough
i light one in the other
one song is not enough
i have to write another

immersed in the considerations
i cannot figure this out
a box of contradictions
i wish i could just shout!

crazy...

* * *

for an angel - confusion

confusion (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel

i had made up my mind
this was a one side thing
something belonging in dreams
just a dream, sweet and kind

all of a sudden it's all strange
somehow i feel i'm doing wrong
that i no longer belong
i wonder what the fuck has changed

i wish i knew what's going on
if there is nothing there, so why?
many tears i've yet to cry
somehow i feel i should have known
better...

inspiration for a song
that's all i wished to get
dry my eyes often wet
it was worth for the sake of a song

all i have is confusion
how can i comfort my heart?
i should have known from the start
that's what you get from illusion

i wish i knew what's going on
if there was nothing there, so why?
many tears i've yet to cry
somehow i feel i should have known
better...
better...

* * *

for an angel - sweet surprise

sweet surprise (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel

the days i can bear
sort of…
there’s sun or there’s rain
there’s work to be done to ease the pain

there’s phone calls to make
there’s e-mails to send
there’s papers to analyze
as the hours pass slowly by

and there’s always the chance
that you’ll drop by
there’s always a chance
of something funny to laugh about
and a sweet romance
may come as a sweet surprise

the nights are worse
it’s when the moon shines
it’s when the lights go out
it’s when my heart begin to shout

yet i long for the nights
though my feet keep on shaking
it’s the time when i can dream
play a game that i can win

and there’s always the chance
that you’ll drop by
in a dream of romance
a love that i can dream about
and there’s always a chance
of a sweet surprise

* * *

for an angel - insomnia

insomnia (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel
(just lyrics)

time and again i go to bed
but in the sky the full moon
shines bright upon my room
thoughts restless in my head

i stand up, write these words
try to wash away the gloom
but the pain that grabs my womb
leaves me hopeless between worlds

oh, dawn is made for sleep
but it seems i am doomed
to be awake in this room
holding tears i cannot weep

you at dawn keep me awake
the whirling smoke like in a loom
weaves a fine lace gone too soon
like the peace i cannot fake

oh, how i wish i could just sleep
turn off the blazing moon
find a way to heal the wound
give my heart a chance to weep

but once again i go to bed
still in the sky the full moon
shines cruel in my room
thoughts spinning in my head

* * *

for an angel - poison

poison (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel

for so long i’ve been undead
but somehow i came to be
i wonder how can it be
sip the poison and be glad?

get me high, get me low
enjoy the sickness and the pain
i long to taste poison again
addicted i risk my soul

i am lost, i am mad
i’m drenched in tears and wine
i don’t remember the past time
i don’t miss what i had

for i long for what i know
has turned my mind insane
may break my heart all the same
but maybe save my soul

* * *

for an angel - silent scream

silent scream (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2005
for an angel
(just lyrics)

words, words, words surround me
words spinning in my head
words wait to find a room
in the stream that flows through me

words, words, words inside me
words blossom in my head
words dance under the moon
in the seams beneath my feet

words, words, words that hurt me
instead of tears it’s words i shed
words will come together soon
to bleed the visions out of me

words, words, words that read me
words that come from you instead
leave me naked in my room
as i dream they were for me

words, words, words that heal me
words from heaven, words blessed
words echo from dawn to noon
tell me there is hope for me

… “and the rest is silence”
the silence where i scream
out of words, cherish reliance
they were for me, i dare to dream

* * *

RM writers' prompt V

daily

walk the same path
when there's heat it is dry
step on flowers that smell bad
dry on the same path

day after day
straight ahead
at the end another way
the same thing in my head

the length of a cigarrete
that's all that it takes
at the end i wish to cry
the same path still dry

zigzag around the dirt
i try to avoid the hurt
hurt myself i move ahead
the same thing in my head

* * *
walk the same path
when it rains it is wet
step on flowers that smell bad
wet on the same path

night after night
straight ahead
at the start there's a light
the same thing in my head

the length of a cigarrete
that's all that it takes
at the end where i get
the same path still wet

zigzag to avoid i try
another lonely passer-by
alone myself i move ahead
the same thing in my head

for an angel - stay

stay (by deav)
Rio, Out 2005
(?)

i know you’ve been
fighting time
and things that keep us both apart
it matters not
how hard you’ve tried
somehow you’ve managed to come by

i know it won’t be for long
but at last you’re here
for the length of a song
i just wish that you could
stay
leave it all behind
stay
follow your heart not your mind
stay
right here in my arms

i know you're not
playing time
i know the feeling in your heart
some peace of mind
so hard you’ve tried
i know it all right from the start

i know soon you’ll be gone
but at least you’re here
for the length of a song
i just wish that you could
stay
with an open mind
stay
oh, my angel, you’re so kind
stay
right here in my arms

* * *

RM writers' prompt IV

if my thoughts could walk
they would stop crawling
and run to where you are

if my thoughts could jump
they would jump high
to reach your mind

if my thoughts could fly
they’d spread their wings
right towards your heart

if my thoughts could swim
i’d watch as they walk
babbling into the sea

if my thoughts could take
me to you or bring
you to me… what if?

for an angel - boxing you

boxing you (by deav)
Rio, Out 2005
(just lyrics)

i put you in a box
shoes off, leave the socks

take your feet
so you can fit

take your wings
now you don't sing

take you legs below the knee
so you can't run away from me

take the rest up to your tighs
wonder if it makes you sigh

take your arms
so you can't wave

i keep just the lips
from them i sip
(but you don't smile...)

i keep the heart
but it wont' beat

i wear you out
i throw you out.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/deavportal/RED-MOSQUITO/boxingyou.jpg

i got tix!

i got tix!

YAAAY!!!! got my tix for the Pearl Jam brazilian tour! Five shows!

Nov 28 - Porto Alegre - Gigantinho
Nov 30 - Curitiba - Pedreira Paulo Leminsky
Dec 02 - São Paulo - Pacaembu
Dec 03 - São Paulo - Pacaembu
Dec 04 - Rio de Janeiro - Apoteose

I'M GOING! YAAAAAY!!!!

RM writers' prompt III

this is how i see
the way i’ve gone the first half
first attempts to fly
crushed down at the start
crawling was what was left for me

this is how i wish
the way of the second half
finally learn to fly
with a winged heart
in worlds entwined of bird and fish

this is how i go this day
i stumble into life, just half
way to learning to fly
forth and back to the start
clumsy i go to make my way

for an angel - october fool

october fool (by deav)
Rio, Oct 2005
(?)

i watch as october flies
try to hold it back, i grab it
but it slips through my fingers
i don't know why
maybe i do
maybe it's the little bad things
i have to go through
before the really good things come
ooh... ooh...

i know it's foolish of me
to live out of time
back and forth but never here
it's all i have for now
i play a trick on time
so i can have you with me

then i'll wish that next year flies
i'll try to rush it, i'll haste it
but i'll just watch as it lingers
i don't know why
maybe i do
maybe it's the big bad things
that keep me from you
before my dreams decide to come
true... true...

i know it's foolish of me
can't catch up on time
i gotta be what i gotta be
and i know no-how
i'll win my play on time
i'll never have you with me

you...
i'm a fool...

* * *

for an angel - archangel

archangel (by deav)
Rio, Out 2005
(just lyrics)

every time i fear
i feel my heart crack
the painful sound it makes
so disturbing
i feel i have to yield
surrendered by your chord
the i can move ahead

every now and then
i hear your voice surround me
and i forget about the rest
and close my eyes a while
then i can move ahead

every time i fear
your wings spread at my back
the rustling sound they make
so reassuring
i feel safe behind your shield
defended by your sword
then i can move ahead

every now and then
i feel your arms around me
and lay my head on your chest
and close my eyes a while
then i can move ahead

* * *

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/deavportal/RED-MOSQUITO/arch_picbigger.jpg

RM writers' prompt II

if you’re reading this now it means that i’m ... well, dead. there’s no easy way to say it. i’m sorry, this is creepy, but i had to ask my best friend to post this. the thing is (i’m sure you’re wondering) i promise i didn’t drop out of life. it must have been a lethal disease or an accident. because i didn’t even want to want to die (the puddle of mud where people who take their lives stay after death may be cozy and warm but, by now, i’ve learned to give worth to the journey of life and its place in the “big picture”). i’m probably quite mad right now, that i was taken, there was so much hope amongst the pain and so many things i’ve been dreaming to do… it’s not fair. or it is. anyway. i just want to say that i love you. “love” love, i mean. it came slowly and softly and sweet and one day it struck me, i even said it out loud! weird… i confess i was afraid. that was foolish of me, i see that now (only too late). no time to be afraid now, though. i love you deeply, madly, dearly, passionately. i love you like in music and poetry. i love you so much i want you to be happy forever. as long as forever goes. and forever is now, you know… so for what it’s worth, live each day as if it were the last (allow me to be this corny…) live everything to the end, the pain and the pleasure of it. taste it all. believe in love too, the way i do. “love is always real”. use sunscreen hehe just kidding… ok, sunscreen and condoms. remember never to allow this beautiful person you are to be chewed and swallowed (or spit out, for that matter) by this crazy world you still live in. one more moment for a little tale? well, once i was climbing a mountain and, when there were about fifty steps to the top (i wasn’t aware of that), i sat down and gave up. “no, i won’t go further, i’m too tired”. then a friend came and told me “trust me, were almost there, it’s so beautiful up there, it’s worth all the effort”. and he took my hand. and it was amazing, the view from the top. i realize i sat down again this time, fifty steps from the top where you could be. or not. ironic, huh? but i’ll never have time in this life to take my hand and lead me there. so, all i ask of you is this, don’t sit down and give up. you may be only fifty steps away, who knows? you must think i’m cruel to come from the tomb to haunt you with a phantom love. cree-py. i just hope you can forgive me, after all i’m a dead person (sorry, bad joke …) but you’re alive. so go ahead and live!

great faker

great faker (by deav)
Rio, Jul-Out 2005
(just lyrics)

never felt like this before
not true, you have
it’s the worst time of my life
you’ve had bad times before
but it’s all falling apart
no, not really, no
i feel crushed inside
just stand up and go
but i feel so weak…
you know it’s not like you say
what is it, a trick?
it’s just that little game you play

great faker
whining all the time
even though she knows it can’t break her
drinking all the wine

how come the hole in my heart?
an excuse not to start
what’s with the scorning?
you’ll feel better in the morning
but i… but i…
we can see right through you
no matter how i try
quit dragging attention to you

great faker
it’s so undivine
to blackmail your maker
just to make a rhyme
(shame on you)

* * *

RM writers' prompt

13 Out 2005

well, here we are. don't tell me i didn't warn you. when it slowly began to turn into something else i cried, alarmed. you took the risk and dragged me with you. when the urge became too hard to bare i cried again, "release me", i begged. but you would just keep on doing your thing, regardless of me, of my dispair (i still don't know if out of innocence or wickedness, or just pure evil enjoyment, the sadist...). "beware of the poison, it all ends in poison", i whispered, breathless, while you just sucked out more and more of the remaining strength. now you can feel it, too, don't you? the bitterness, i mean. now you finally see me (i've been seeing you for a while, now...). i can tell by your disgusted look that you don't like what you see, huh? "remember when i told you? remember..." i vomit between sobs. see, you don't love me. you never did. i told you so. i told you so.

for an angel - garbage

garbage (by deav)
Rio, Out 2005
(just lyrics)

i looked around, i looked hard
should i’ve asked for you to prove?
just happenstance?
i wait for you, i wait hard
i could not find you

i watch the scented smoke in awe
think of what it’s all for
i’ll give you this much
and wonder
was it wrong to seize the day
was it wrong to fly away?

the candle burned on both sides
there’s just a few things to hide
some things to put aside

may master plan backfired
should i have set the moves
in advance?
if i intended to be wired
all the given time with you?

ashes burning on the floor
to be swept outside the door
was it too much
i wonder
i finally scared you away
any hope to save my day?

there’s nothing left to hide
i put the garbage outside
just wait for the next tide

* * *

for an angel - from hell

from hell (by deav)
Juiz de Fora-Rio, Out 2005
(just lyrics)

there’s a moon on my back
casts my shadow ahead
in the silence as i dance
it’s you that i hear
at a distance, but i can
see nothing through the fear

i hear your voice from heaven
i’m sure it’s where you are
a kiss you send me, but then
i watch it turn into a scar

tie the rope around my neck
gently cover up my head
sent to hell, oh, should i care?
if hell is just right here
no hope to ever fly up there
a smile turned to a tear

i hear your voice from a-far
steal the sun from up above
i dance and watch the rising star
that sheds the light i call …

(why is it so hard to say?
i say, don’t say
i say, i say…)


* * *

for an angel - non-world

non-world (by deav)
Rio, Set 2005
(just lyrics)

in the world
i have to breathe
i have to eat
i have to work

time is relative
and space is curve
dimensions come between us

in the world
to be i fake
with the next mistake
i have to cope

life is relative
i observe
past existences still in us

but in a perfect world
no distance keeps us apart
in the non-world
no time, no space, just the heart
you could charm me with a sweetness
that appears through the bitterness
the ones in us never-become
would love each other, two in one
songs and children we’d beget
no mistakes made to regret

could eternity unfold
in a moment to behold
in a perfect world ?..

* * *

for an angel - the names of the trees

the names of the trees (by deav)
Rio, Set 2005
(?)

storms on the way
i’m scared of the rain
seasons delayed
spring in a frame

i wish i could have
the ear that can hear
whispers in the wind
a reservoir of feelings
inside me

i wonder what it would be
if i could tell the names of the trees

time on the way
i’m in between
life in delay
wait to begin (not what it seems)

i wish i could have
the good eye that sees
flowers in the seams
visions crave for meaning
inside me

i wonder what it would be
if i could tell the names of the trees

* * *

for an angel - dancing in the silence

dancing in the silence (by deav)
Rio, Set 2005
(?)

i watched the sea today
like many times before
maybe not the same sea
or is it the same sea
that washes every shore?

if you look for me someday
it’s easy, i’m the one
writing poems on the sand
a castle on the sand
soon to be washed away

if you wish to play me
play me kindly
anyway, my heart will cry in silence
i may seem to flee
but you can find me
i’m the one dancing in the silence…

i watched the sky today
like many times before
maybe a different sky
or is it the same sky
seen from a different shore?

if you look for me no more
fair enough, i’m no-one
just ideas in the wind
memories in the wind
not to be cared for

if you wish to read me
read me kindly
anyway, my soul will cry in silence
i may seem to be
you’ll never find me
i’m the one dancing in the silence…

* * *

(?) - pray to

pray to (by deav)
Lefkada-Rio, Jul-Set 2005
(?)

so what now?
everything is falling apart
again

i don’t know how
seems like i’m back to the start
far from the end

i don’t understand
(you said) “i’ve told you that before”
i tried to remember
but my head’s not speaking now…

i’m so down
but soon i’ll be playing my part
again
here on the ground
feels quite comfortable, my heart
on the sand

(i asked) no helping hand?
(you said) “i’ll tell you just once more
“you can’t surrender
“just survive the game somehow”

so is it my move?
is there no-one
to save me?
no-one to pray to?

if i lose
is it my fault?
i won’t let go so easy
so i’ll pray
anyway
to you…

* * *

for an angel - angel tears

angel tears (by deav)
Rio, Set 2005
(?)

it’s ok
i understand
things don’t go the way we dream
every time

some may say
(i comprehend)
not exactly what they mean
so do i

now someone tell me
how to keep these tears from falling
i try to dry them
but they just keep rolling down, down

it’s all right
i'll take a stand
things are better than they seem
for a while

darkest night
comes to an end
shades around are vanishing
so are mine

but someone tell me
how to keep these tears from falling
i try to swallow them
but every time i drown, i drown

an angel told me
that tears stop under the water
do they?
i wonder…
if it’s so
what a choice…
die or cry…
it doesn’t rhyme…
or does it?
(fuck)

* * *

for an angel - hey man

hey man (by deav)
Rio, Aug 2005
(?)


hey, man
wash your tears away
hey, man
pick up the pieces of your heart

in this lonely place
you don’t have to stay
every end is the dawn of a brand new start

it’s for real
you’re at the dawn of a new you
believe me, man
i can only speak the truth
for you…

Zakinthos

the picture below shows one of the places where i dived. swimming in emerald or sapphire? hard to tell...

Zakinthos

(?) - free at last

free at last (by deav)
Lefkada - Gr, June 2005
(?)

long road
known, yet unknown
yet to be walked
yet walked before

wind on
the heights pound on my ear drums
up and down
sometimes we slide
sometimes we run

at every step of the ancient paths
i shed skin
i shed skin
at every bend of the winding road
i shed flesh
i shed bone
until my soul is free at last
until my soul is free

my eyes
flooded with the blue sea
for a little while
they look like yours

i bathe in opal
like flying
i remember you
stranded at distant shores

at every suck of the burning smoke
i shed ash
i shed ash
at every beat of a heart of stone
i shed fears
i shed tears
until my soul is free at last
until my soul is free

* * *

(?) - make believe love

make believe love (by deav)
Rio, Mar 2005
(?)

i know it was just a game, love
right from the start
but what a lovely game to play, love
it brings such warmth to my heart

i know i’m older and wiser, love
but there’s one thing i’ve forgotten
lovely games can hurt too, love
now my heart is getting rotten

oh when you spin round somebody else’s heart
it hurts me deep inside, guess i’m not that smart
i search inside my heart, don’t know if i can
will i ever love this way again?

i know it all seemed so right, love
in our little secret place
but we’re further than we figured, love
we’ll never see each other face to face

i know you have a piece of me, love
even though we’ve gone apart
all the flowers and sweet kisses, love
sweet promises are your major art

oh when mean in you cared less for me
i ran in tears and climbed up my tree
dinner plans washed up in the rain
will i ever love this way again?

* * *

"love is always real
even if we are not
love is always true
even if we are not"

but that's another song :))

(?) - bridges

bridges (by deav)
Rio, Set 2004 - Mar 2005
(?)

a pen tip rests on a page
just move it and you have a line
connect the dots this simple way
and build a bridge for your mind

paper cups and a string
it’s easy, you can’t do no wrong
a wooden box ‘s the same thing
strings build a bridge to a song

some people jump, some people blow
but bridges are for crossing
i build a portal to the other world
with the coins that i’m tossing

build a bridge from your heart to mine
build the road step by step
build the highway mile by mile
build a bridge from your heart to mine
build the railway cause your train is coming

drums in the wood and smoke signs
message in a bottle
radio waves and satellites
any way to ease your sorrow

colliding dots create the light
on and off the message lingers
wired, wireless, cross the night
weave the net beneath your fingers

some people jump, some people blow
but bridges are for crossing
i build a portal to the other world
with the coins that i’m tossing

build a bridge from your heart to mine
build the road step by step
build the highway mile by mile
build a bridge from your heart to mine
build the railway cause your train is coming…

* * *

(?) - in the now

in the now (by deav)
Rio, Ago-Set-Out 2004 - Mar 2005
(?)

i’ve been sleeping for a thousand years
in a bed of stone
i have visions of the hidden fears
of all the time that’s gone

i’ve been riding a night mare
through the underground fields of my soul
i've been drinking from the well of madness
that yields the seeds that i sow

i’ve been dreaming for a thousand years
of the times to come
i’ve been living on the b-side, in tears
what have i done?

when crossroads turn out to be a dead-end
i wonder
am i later than i supposed?
but things can get better
this is not a game, i’m still in the fight
i’ll ride the wave, i’ll follow the sight

in the now
my creation is in my hand
no time to mourn
the time it takes to understand
cause time is only a dream
and i’m almost awake
life will be what i make
here
in the now…

* * *

(?) - in the rain

in the rain (by deav)
Rio, Dez 2004 - Jan-Fev 2005
(?)

i'm licking the rain off my lips
as i walk on
i’m swallowing the rain that pours over me
as i drown

i can’t go back to pick the words i dropped on the road
i guess this line will go unfinished
i cant’ go back to pick up the days
like sand they’re gone
i let them run through my fingers

so i move ahead
there’s nothing i can do instead
so i move ahead
in the rain

i’m crawling up the walls
this heat is insane on my face
boiling blood runs through my veins
i’ll end up burning down this place

the moon has caught me in her tide
i sit and watch as worlds collide in me
somersaulting feelings slide
in this crowded ballroom inside of me

so i move ahead…

* * *

(?) - annie lorrie

annie lorrie (by deav)
Rio, Jan 2005
(?)

she was born on a rainy day
in her mama’s bed
for a midwife to welcome her
she had grandma and auntie instead

her big sister, golden hair in plaits
shed tears of joy, no more tears of sorrow
in the other room where she waits
for a new life to begin tomorrow

annie lorrie, annie lorrie
your dad has gone away
someday your brother will tell the story
of that so sad day

annie lorrie, annie lorrie
your name comes from a lovely tune
you’ll be happy, never sorry
the sun you rise up soon

* * *

demo # I

i finally got some songs recorded! the universe conspired in my favor (i'm eternally grateful): there were the carnival holidays, Mauro (my brother-in-law) was testing a Roland VS 880 until the end of th month, so three days of recording, ten songs, masterization next saturday, demo cd in my hands next monday. isn't it absofuckinlutely great? i was worried about a lot of things: that i would record them, in the first place, exposing myself, making it permanent, not just words in the wind, sang on the couch in the living room; that i would sound like Mickey Mouse, my voice was always high pitch (i used to be a soprano), but since the awakening, and listening to Ed Vedder on a daily basis, and a lot of blues and a lot of punk, my voice lowered a lot, and, thank the Goddess, i sound like a human being and an adult female :)) (i hope...). i'm buying the Roland (second hand...), the first achievement of my home studio/indie record company. it's such an amazing experience to actually witness a dream coming true right in front of your eyes... specially if it's your own dream!

running in slow motion

two more weeks until i'm free from the coordination position. at least one is a half week because of the carnival holidays. not that i'm too stressed, i'm learning how to handle it, but i'm more stressed than i like to be. and the result is writer's block, no song for a couple of months now, just pieces and bits of lyrics and melodies. i'm not completely frustrated because the RM Holiday Project is going fine, i've been enjoying pleasant hours planning, cutting, gluing, sewing and even weaving tiny little things to go on my page. i'm really proud of my little tree house and all the items that go inside, especially the tiny carpet and and the tiny songbooks you can actually read from. i'll have to borrow a digital camera, because i intend to photograph everything before i send the page to J. the major thing yet to be done is the recording, an essencial part of the project.

the RM itself is a major relief. it seems i get to like being there more and more each day. it kind of distracts me from work... maybe too much... a habit?

ah, and i got my 10C booklet with my membership card by the beginning of January. i guess i'll have to hold back my catching up fever, because of the huge vacation. btw, reservations have been made! May 21st until July 1st!

things keep on being blue, in the Brazilian way, meaning, everything is fine, like a clear blue sky.