gone (by deav)
Rio, Nov 2004 (?)
i’ve been searching
then you came
but you had your fingers crossed behind your back
i built a castle of cards
then it crumbled down
leaving behind just a pile of wreck
but i don’t need to be here
crawling
collecting crumbs of affection
no i don’t need to be here
kneeling
begging for a bit of attention
so i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and i’ll never be back
now i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
and the last thing you’ll see is the back of my neck
i really thought i had found what i was looking for
but i was only half a being
now i know i was wrong
i must be one
to deserve a whole feeling
but i don’t need to be here …
so i’m gone …
i’m gone
i’m gone
i’m gone
the further i can from you
i’ll run
i’ll run
as if i had a gun aimed at the back of my neck
* * *
"drowning in a sea of faces, hardly keep my head above the surface..."
thirst (by deav 2003)
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Monday, November 08, 2004
off line
i guess the RM is down again, i couldn't get access since friday. or, i got busted by the IT people at work, and they locked me in. either way, i'm just not sadder because of the sorrow of the last couple of days and the poorly slept nights (it's been two weeks now, insomnia and a heat wave; or is it the summer, and some cold waves ? WHATEVER). so i subscribed the rumor pit, the newsletter issued by the ten club people. at least i'll get to know the news. but i miss the arguments and the silly talk and being in contact with human beings. who like Pearl Jam, of course.
grief
i hope that what happened was not what was about to happen. that what was about to happen is a good thing and still is going to happen. because one of my best friends lost his mother last friday. less than two weeks after his wedding. i guess she couldn't stand being without him. crazy stuff. i don't think the "toll has fallen" for him yet. he's joking and all as he always does, but he's sooo sad. and i'm sad for him. he called me sister, i called him brother and said that i love him. he asked me to sing at the funeral, my voice could barely come out. she was cremated yesterday. talking of the devil, he's just got here, although he's in vacation! love you, man!
Thursday, November 04, 2004
slow
everything seems to be going slow today. i couldn't reach RM (gone again?), things at work that were already going back and forth went backwards again. but there's this feeling of pressure almost touchable, i cant' stop moving my feet, i feel hot and swollen. i'm almost hysterical, i feel like i'm climbing up the walls. ok, i'm ovulating. but it's not only that. i feel it coming, a new vibration. what's going to happen? antecipation for what?
Monday, November 01, 2004
D21C IN RIO
this is what i posted today at RM:
"when Jim Morrison died i was a little girl. in my teen years (the awful 80’s), Jim, Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix formed, for me, the Unholy Trinity, those who burned like fireworks, not candles, mythical entities that had this never land appeal, so seducing to a young eager heart. but, the fact is, i never became a fan (not he way i’m a Pearl Jam fan), it was a feeling of awe for a lost paradise when people still believed that a flower had power, that there could be peace and love on the earth, before war, oil crisis, glitter and leggings took over, followed by more war, market economy, globalization, computers and mobiles. imagine my surprise when i got the news: the doors of the 21st century are playing in Rio! i had to be there, it’s at least, a historical event. but nothing had prepared for what i was about to experience. Claro Hall is a medium sized venue (about 8.500 people), and it was crowded. we arrived late, about ten minutes before the show began. suddenly, “fortuna imperatrix mundi” began to play, and there they were, Ray Manzareck, Robby Krieger, Ian Atsbury, Angelo Barbera (bass) and Ty Dennis (drums; an animal!). they played almost all the classics (i missed People Are Strange, i heard they played it in São Paulo the night before): L.A. Woman, Love Me Two Times, When the Music's Over, Touch Me, Whiskey Bar, Riders on the Storm (only after the encore break!). before playing Five to One, Manzarek said that they loved us, they loved Brazil, that we should make love to them and they would like to make love to us, that we should find love in our hearts for all humankind … but for George W. Bush! that was funny. another highlight was Krieger’s flamenco guitar solo in Spanish Caravan. but the greatest surprise was in Break on Through, when a group of drum players from a samba school from Rio (Mocidade Independente de Padre Miguel, something like Independent Youth of Father Michael – it’s a city district) got on the stage and played olodum drum riffs with the band. man, they really got us then, the crowd went crazy! and the big teaser was, goes without saying, Light My Fire, the last but one, fifteen-minute song with a Eleanor Rigby riff tag, and duels between the band and one of the Brazilians, the guy with the tambourine (here, it’s really small and played with a thin stick). insane! boys and girls who could easily be my kids were there, enjoying every minute, singing all the lyrics, the guys were in ecstasy. in the end, the crowd was screaming the end! the end! but Manzareck said that it was sacred for Jim Morrison… the last thing he did was recite for us the two most famous and controversial sentences in the history of rock: father, i wanna kill you; mother, i wanna fuck you! a last word about the show: it’s been said in the media that Ian Atsbury is playing Morrison when he sings with D21C. man, i don’t know, but it was really weird. he didn’t look like Jim on saturday night (not as much as he does, i think, in some pictures i've seen), he had a red head bandana (what could be more 80’s, for hack’s sake?) and sometimes he danced like Axl Rose (or the other way around… whatever). but if you closed your eyes, it was scary, you’d swear Jimmy was singing. there was a moment when, i’m truly convinced of that, Jimmy was there, cause Ian started the Indian dance! all in all, a memorable event. i’m glad i could feel a breeze of the sixties and totally trip at a Doors show. better late than never…"
"when Jim Morrison died i was a little girl. in my teen years (the awful 80’s), Jim, Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix formed, for me, the Unholy Trinity, those who burned like fireworks, not candles, mythical entities that had this never land appeal, so seducing to a young eager heart. but, the fact is, i never became a fan (not he way i’m a Pearl Jam fan), it was a feeling of awe for a lost paradise when people still believed that a flower had power, that there could be peace and love on the earth, before war, oil crisis, glitter and leggings took over, followed by more war, market economy, globalization, computers and mobiles. imagine my surprise when i got the news: the doors of the 21st century are playing in Rio! i had to be there, it’s at least, a historical event. but nothing had prepared for what i was about to experience. Claro Hall is a medium sized venue (about 8.500 people), and it was crowded. we arrived late, about ten minutes before the show began. suddenly, “fortuna imperatrix mundi” began to play, and there they were, Ray Manzareck, Robby Krieger, Ian Atsbury, Angelo Barbera (bass) and Ty Dennis (drums; an animal!). they played almost all the classics (i missed People Are Strange, i heard they played it in São Paulo the night before): L.A. Woman, Love Me Two Times, When the Music's Over, Touch Me, Whiskey Bar, Riders on the Storm (only after the encore break!). before playing Five to One, Manzarek said that they loved us, they loved Brazil, that we should make love to them and they would like to make love to us, that we should find love in our hearts for all humankind … but for George W. Bush! that was funny. another highlight was Krieger’s flamenco guitar solo in Spanish Caravan. but the greatest surprise was in Break on Through, when a group of drum players from a samba school from Rio (Mocidade Independente de Padre Miguel, something like Independent Youth of Father Michael – it’s a city district) got on the stage and played olodum drum riffs with the band. man, they really got us then, the crowd went crazy! and the big teaser was, goes without saying, Light My Fire, the last but one, fifteen-minute song with a Eleanor Rigby riff tag, and duels between the band and one of the Brazilians, the guy with the tambourine (here, it’s really small and played with a thin stick). insane! boys and girls who could easily be my kids were there, enjoying every minute, singing all the lyrics, the guys were in ecstasy. in the end, the crowd was screaming the end! the end! but Manzareck said that it was sacred for Jim Morrison… the last thing he did was recite for us the two most famous and controversial sentences in the history of rock: father, i wanna kill you; mother, i wanna fuck you! a last word about the show: it’s been said in the media that Ian Atsbury is playing Morrison when he sings with D21C. man, i don’t know, but it was really weird. he didn’t look like Jim on saturday night (not as much as he does, i think, in some pictures i've seen), he had a red head bandana (what could be more 80’s, for hack’s sake?) and sometimes he danced like Axl Rose (or the other way around… whatever). but if you closed your eyes, it was scary, you’d swear Jimmy was singing. there was a moment when, i’m truly convinced of that, Jimmy was there, cause Ian started the Indian dance! all in all, a memorable event. i’m glad i could feel a breeze of the sixties and totally trip at a Doors show. better late than never…"
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